


Niche

by courageous_boss



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Asthma, Asthmatic Niall, Brotherly Love, Child Abuse, Child Harry, Child Louis, Child Neglect, Child Niall, Claustrophobia, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, NO physical abuse, Panic Attacks, Protective Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2020-06-28 04:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19804705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courageous_boss/pseuds/courageous_boss
Summary: niche (noun)Place in nature. The role of a person that determines their relations with other people and ensures their survival.or, Niall has no idea where he belongs in the Payne-Malik family. And he's starting to believe that maybe, he doesn't.





	1. .epigraph.

**Author's Note:**

> imported from wattpad  
> account [courageous_boss](https://www.wattpad.com/user/courageous_boss) is no longer active  
> updates will be posted here

Zayn had Niall's skinny arm gripped tightly, almost dragging him into the kitchen. He raised the boy onto a barstool and handed him a pair of socks, holding a stern look on his face. "Put these on quickly."

And though he wasn't doing it consciously, his voice lacked any of the love and care it usually held when he spoke to his sons.

Niall nodded, bobbing his head so quickly his neck hurt a little. As Zayn rushed around the kitchen, trying to put some breakfast together, the six year old fumbled with his socks, trying to slip them on.

He jumped, though, dropping them when he heard a loud clattering before his father suddenly appeared before him.

Zayn pulled Niall off the stool, plopping him on the ground as he began to lecture him.

Waving his hands around, he missed the telltale signs that Niall, the poor boy, was growing increasingly afraid. His blue eyes were wide and teary, yet he refused to meet Zayn's angry glare. He was antsy. He kept bouncing on his toes and peering around the room, almost as if he was planning his escape if something should happen.

Zayn growled lowly in his throat at his unresponsive son. Why was Niall refusing to cooperate?

He lunged forward, meaning to grab ahold of the blonde's arm, maybe scold him a bit and deposit him in the naughty corner.

However, Niall saw completely different intentions. He'd been pushed around before. He knew the searing pain that accompanied the angry, red marks left behind when someone hit him. He'd lived with people who only wanted to hurt him, and he'd even met a few of them in school.

So, it wasn't a question to the small child that Zayn was going to hurt him. He knew Zayn had had enough. Really, he'd been expecting it since he'd been adopted, more and more each time his parents made it clear to him that he was more of a nuisance to them than a son.

He knew that sooner or later, he'd be hurt by this family too. After all, what else did he deserve for being such a horrid son?

Still, he definitely did not enjoy flinching at every movement made towards him, or nursing bruised limbs. So, he did the only thing that made sense to his young mind.

He did the only thing he thought he could.

He screamed.

He latched onto Zayn's advancing hand and hugged his father's arm to his body. He gripped Zayn as tightly as he could manage, squeezed his eyes shut and screamed his lungs out.

Zayn froze in shock as soon as Niall had glued his tiny torso to his arm, brows furrowed in confusion and worry. He didn't understand. Why was Niall reacting this way?

In his peripheral vision, he saw movement. He whipped his head to the side, frantic eyes landing on his husband, Liam, running into the room. Behind him, Louis and Harry, were stalled at the doorway, their faces looking pained with concern.

Liam raced towards his youngest son, wrapping his large, strong hands around his petite hips and prying him off of Zayn in the most delicate way.

He could not fathom what Zayn had done to cause Niall to let out such an awful screech. But it was clear to him that the only solution was to remove Niall from the source of his distress. In this case, that seemed to be Zayn.

However, Liam's actions only made things worse. Niall began to wail louder, completely convinced that he was going to be punished for not putting his socks on quickly enough. He squirmed around, kicking his limbs out in a desperate attempt to escape Liam's hold.

Liam didn't know what to do. Niall's face was red and it was obviously becoming difficult for him to continue screaming as he tried to catch his breath.

He didn't notice Louis scurrying towards him until the ten year old was glaring up at him, demanding for him to let Niall go. Having no reason not to listen and no other plan, Liam set Niall on the ground, heart breaking when the the blonde flung himself into Louis's outstretched arms.

Zayn and Liam watched in shock, and some shame, as Niall fisted his brother's shirt, now sobbing hysterically. Louis petted his hair, cooing softly to him, gripping Niall tighter whenever he let out a pained whimper.

Liam has his eyes trained on the pair while Zayn shuffled over to Harry who was just hovering in the doorway, watching on. His chest pained when Harry avoided the hug he offered, opting to move closer to Louis, letting his parents know that he was choosing his brothers' side.

Zayn and Liam locked eyes. _What had they done?_


	2. .one.

Niall waited by the bus stop after school, his stomach swirling uncomfortably. He played with his fingers, not daring to look up. He couldn't stop the thoughts running through his six year old mind, tormenting him about what was sure to happen when he got home.

Louis and Harry were allowed to take the bus home, but Niall's parents had said that he was too little so he had to wait for one of them to collect him.

He waited at the corner, in the hot sun, for almost a half an hour before he gave up, sighing heavily and reluctantly shuffling to the front of the school.

His Papa was supposed to pick him up at the bus stop, but sometimes he ran late and he'd want Niall to wait on the stairs in front of the school.

The rule had been established after Niall had fallen asleep on the pavement once. Zayn didn't particularly enjoy the worried calls he'd received from the parents who'd found his son on the side of the road.

Niall wished he hadn't been foolish enough to do that — granted it had only been because he was honestly exhausted from school and waiting for more than three hours — because now, he had to wait in the same place that Ben and Mason did.

The twin's parents usually picked them up an hour after school finished so Niall knew that they'd be there. He hated them.

He was as quiet as possible, creeping to the front and hiding away so that he could see if his Papa arrived, but that he was mostly hidden away.

He curled up, finding himself becoming increasingly sleepy. He was warm and sweaty, and his eyes were heavy. As his eyes slipped shut, his hand inched closer to his face until his thumb was planted firmly in his mouth while his other fingers curled around his button nose.

His zoned out for a few minutes until he heard some snickers. His eyes shot open and he hurriedly pulled his thumb out of his mouth, but it was too late.

He suddenly felt strong arms on him before someone shoved him. His palms slammed against the grounds, forming small scrapes. He looked up, meeting the taunting gaze of Ben and Mason.

"You're such a baby!" Ben stuck his tongue out.

"No wonder your daddies hate you!" Mason jeered.

Niall sucked in a sharp breath. He _knew_ that his Papa and Daddy didn't want him, but it always hurt more when the six year old twins teased him about it.

They knew that no one packed him lunch or bought him toys. They knew that when he got home, no one really cared to help him with his homework or tuck him in for bed. They knew that no one read him bedtime stories or brought him milk when he woke with a nightmare.

And they used all this against him. At just six years old, they didn't quite understand the consequences of their actions, but that didn't mean that Niall wasn't hurt.

"Our mummy says that thumb sucking is yucky!" The twins scorned.

Niall frowned. He knew he was too old for it, but sometimes, it was the only way he could comfort himself when he was trying to sleep and flashes his old family filled his mind.

His Uncle Ed had said it was okay. He'd promised that he could take him time and move at his own pace. Uncle Ed had promised that it wasn't his fault and that there was nothing wrong with not wanting to remember how his old family had been.

However, Niall dared not voice this to Ben and Mason. He'd never make the mistake of talking to them. Ashton had told him to just ignore them, so that's exactly what he did.

He slapped his tiny hands over his ears and blocked them out. Not soon enough, they had to go home, and Niall was finally left alone.

Zayn was yet to pick him up, so he just tucked his small body into a comfortable corner and peered out at the road until he saw the familiar car pull up.

He grabbed up his book bag and ran to the car, waiting for it to stop before he pulled open the back seat door and climbed into the car. With some difficulty, he got himself buckled into his car seat (he was really small for his age) before Zayn began driving.

He didn't expect any apologies about why he'd been late or any questions about his day. He knew that those sort of things were reserved for Louis and Harry — not him.

Of course he was a bit upset that after not seeing him all day, his Papa didn't even care to talk to him, but he'd come to accept it.

He let his eyes close, enjoying quiet until they got home. He knew that he'd have to tell them about the spelling test he'd gotten back after dinner and that there was nothing much to hope for with that situation.

When he got home, he waited patiently for Zayn to let him out of the car since the child lock was always on, before he quietly went up to Louis's room.

He worked on his homework, asking Louis any questions he had since he knew that there'd be no time for homework after dinner.

He was always happy that Louis and Harry still loved him. When he'd first been adopted, he'd been showered in love.

He'd never known that he could have loving parents and two awesome siblings. However, as he got older, it was as if he became less of a son and more of a bother to his parents.

Luckily, Louis and Harry still treated him the same. Louis helped him with his school work and Harry cuddled him when he was too scared to go to sleep sometimes. They saved some of their lunch when they knew he hadn't gotten breakfast and they always protected him from Ben and Mason when they saw them picking on him.

After his homework was finished, he played with Louis and Harry a little and changed into his pajamas (with a little help since he sometimes got the holes in his jersey mixed up still).

When Liam came home, though, it was time for dinner. Dinner was Niall's favorite meal since it was the only one they couldn't forget to include him in.

Breakfast was always rushed and busy and lunch was at school (but no one ever packed lunch for him). However, the only time he missed dinner was when he was put in time out before Liam got home. That rarely happened since he spent most of his time away from his Papa and in Louis's room.

After dinner, Liam went to take a bath while Zayn settled in the living room to help Louis and Harry with their homework. It always slipped his mind that Niall would have homework too and when he did remember, the blonde would insist that he hadn't gotten any homework that day.

However, when he was half way through Louis's algebra homework, he saw Niall hesitantly approach him. He left Louis to work on his sum while he gave Niall his full attention.

"What you got there, Niall?" Zayn asked. He really didn't try to constantly be horrid to his youngest. Really, he hadn't noticed how he treated Niall most of the time.

"I'm sorry, Papa." The six year old handed Zayn the spelling test. This was the forth one he'd failed. He didn't understand why it was so hard. Louis and Harry never had this much trouble.

Zayn looked confused until he looked over the paper and his features morphed into anger. "Niall! You need to focus more! Didn't Daddy tell you to study for this!"

Niall glanced at Louis because, yes he had. Louis had stayed up with him, practicing the words, and he'd still failed. He felt like he was disappointing his brother too.

"I'm sorry, Papa," Niall repeated.

Zayn huffed. "Go to Daddy. He's in the bedroom. Then go straight to the naughty chair."

Niall's eyes widened. Why did his Daddy have to get involved?

He dare not question his Papa, though, so he nodded, hesitantly going to seek out Liam.

He found him exactly where Zayn had said. He was laying in bed, typing away on his laptop like he always did after dinner.

"Daddy?" Niall whimpered, tiptoeing into the room.

Liam's eyes flickered over to his youngest. He sighed. He didn't understand why he was such a problem child.

Without asking any questions, he closed his laptop and sat with his legs hanging off the side of the bed.

He patted his lap, waited for Niall to scamper over and laying over his legs.

Niall was devastated. His Daddy didn't even bother to ask questions — he just assumed that he was being punished. Worse yet, he didn't care why he was in trouble.

Without any warning, Liam landed ten heavy swats to Niall's bum, laying five more on his thighs to ensure he felt the pain properly when he sat.

By the time he was finished, Niall was sobbing, choking on his cries. Liam just shrugged his son away, pulling his laptop back over, not bothering anymore with the crying child as he slumped out of the room and made the shameful journey to the naughty chair.

Niall plopped down, feeling a sharp sting in his bum. That brought a fresh wave of tears over him. He hated himself.

Why couldn't he just be good? Why wasn't he like Louis and Harry?

* * *

Niall woke up to the sun shining right on his face and a sore feeling on his bum. He squirmed around, rubbing at his eyes before he finally let his baby blues flutter open.

He took in his surroundings, feeling tears well up when he remembered that he was still sitting in time out.

Niall wasn't upset that he'd been left in timeout for the entire night. It surely wasn't the first time and anyway, he deserved it. He was stupid. He couldn't even read and write properly.

He didn't mind sitting on the naughty chair for the whole night, but he wished that his Daddy hadn't punished him. His heart still stung. He couldn't believe that his Daddy didn't even care to know why he was in trouble.

When did he become so much of a bother?

Despite being there all night, Niall knew the rules. He wasn't supposed to talk or leave the chair.

So, he sat there, unmoving and staring at the wall until Liam came into the room with a sleepy Harry perched on his hip.

Harry was a tall child — he was even taller than Louis even though Louis was the oldest — and his limbs were splayed everywhere, but Liam didn't seem to mind.

When he noticed Niall in the corner, he assumed that he'd already gotten in trouble for the morning, becoming pissed off immediately.

He set Harry down on the couch, turning on some cartoons for him — it was Saturday after all — before heading over to his youngest.

Niall offered a small smile. He hoped that his Daddy would be pleased to know that he'd learned his lesson properly.

However, he should have known better since his parents were never pleased with him. Liam yanked him out of the chair, bent him over and landed three hard swats to his already sore bum.

"What is up with you?" Liam yelled. "Why won't you just behave?"

Niall yelped, cowering away. He saw Harry peaking to see what was going wrong, feeling shame claw at him.

"Go and get ready. Uncle Ed's coming to pick you and your brothers up. You better behave well for him!" Liam barked.

Niall refused to meet his gaze. He just nodded and ran off to do as told.

Even though it hurt to change his pants since his bum was in a lot of pain, he was still happy.

Because Uncle Ed was his favorite person on the whole wide world — except his brothers of course. Plus, he'd most likely see Ashton too!

He couldn't wait to spend the entire day with him!


	3. .two.

Niall was pressed up against the window in the playroom when Uncle Ed arrived. It was sort of his safe place – the small corner near the window. Louis and Harry knew not to bother him when he was there and his Daddy and Papa never really cared to know where he was unless he was getting in trouble.

He really was excited to see Uncle Ed. Uncle Ed didn't really pay him much attention, but he never punished him and he made sure he was fed and actually let him sleep in a bed when he slept over.

Sure, his uncle preferred to spend time with his more bubbly and exciting brothers and Niall didn't blame him. Harry and Louis were louder and more exciting unlike himself who would much rather explore quietly and didn't mind being alone sometimes.

As nice as it was to not be treated as a nuisance by Uncle Ed, Niall's favorite part of spending the weekend with him was getting to see his son – Ashton.

Niall loved Ashton; after Louis and Harry, he was his favorite person in the world. Ashton was sixteen and even though he had lots of cool friends and a phone to play with, he would always spend time with the small blonde. Unlike everyone else Niall has encountered, Ashton didn't prefer his brothers over him. He actually enjoyed hanging out with him and hearing what he had to say.

"Niall! Uncle Ed is here!" Harry ran into the play room, his curls haphazardly falling on his shoulders and a grin on his face.

Niall nodded and smiled at his brother in response because, yes, he knew that already but it was so nice to know that Harry had thought of him and made the effort to come to get him.

He stood, gripping his stuffed elephant in his hand (which wasn't even his; it was Louis' who had given him the plush toy when he realized that maybe a comfort item would help Niall through the lonely times he spent alone).

Harry skipped out of the room and Niall let a small, comfortable smile settle on his lips when Louis poked his head into the room. "Come on, Niall. You can walk with me."

Niall eagerly ran forward, grabbing onto Louis' outstretched hand and letting his older brother lead the way into the living room.

They arrived just in time to see Harry catapult himself into Ed's outstretched arms, laughing as the red haired man tickled his sides and shook him around jokingly in the air.

Niall shied away when he saw his parents, knowing that they would still be upset about his spelling test.

"I might take them out to the mall, today? Is that okay?" Ed asked Liam and Zayn.

Zayn nodded dismissively, however Liam crouched down to pull Niall away from Louis. The small boy whimpered, but didn't protest in any other way.

"You better behave. You know that Papa and I won't stand any nonsense." He didn't seem to find the need to ensure that his other sons were warned.

Niall nodded, his baby blue eyes welling up with tears again.

Ed winced at the scene; he didn't really want to handle a cranky Niall. So he hurriedly dismissed himself, ensuring to bring the boys' bags which really just contained some pajamas for them to wear to bed.

Harry was still perched on his hip, so he left Louis to sort Niall out while Harry helped him put their things in the trunk.

"Let's go, Niall," Louis tugged Niall outside, frowning when he saw tears rolling down his round cheeks, probably feeling distraught over their Daddy's warning.

Louis buckled Niall into the car seat in Ed's car, kissing his forehead and wiping his wet cheeks. "Daddy and Papa won't be mean to you today again. I don't like it when you're sad."

"I'm sorry, Lou." Niall scrubbed at his sticky cheeks. He hated crying, especially when he knew that Louis was right here next to him. He knew that there was no reason to be upset, he wouldn't have to be yelled at for the whole day and he'd get to play with Ashton, but he just couldn't seem to shake his Daddy's stern face and hard voice when he spoke to him.

"It's okay, Nialler. I know it's hard sometimes." Louis was showing more maturity than he should have to. He gently wiped at his littlest brother's red cheeks, drying his eyes and placing a sweet kiss on his forehead.

When Ed pulled the side door open to let Harry climb into the back seat, the two brothers ceased their conversation, sitting back and waiting for Harry to get situated.

Being the best big brother in the whole world (at least by his brothers' standards), Louis made sure Harry was properly buckled in as well before he tended to himself.

"So," Ed started the car once they were all buckled in and pulled out of the drive way, "I was thinking of buying breakfast. Any ideas?"

Ed smirked; he knew what they wanted. Harry grinned before all three of the boys cheered "McDonald's!"

Niall felt some relief once he couldn't see his home anymore. He knew he was safe with his Uncle Ed. Uncle Ed gave him hugs and made sure that he was included. He sometimes wished Uncle Ed lived with him. Maybe, he thought, if he did, then he wouldn't have to feel so sad all the time.

* * *

After breakfast, Ed took them to the mall as promised, offering to buy them a toy each since they'd been so good.

Louis had to coax Niall and Harry to actually take up his offer. Niall was afraid that he'd get in trouble from Liam and Harry didn't want Niall to feel left out.

Ed scooped up the two youngest boys, jokingly shaking them around until they were smiling brightly and clutching onto his shoulders tightly with small giggles escaping their small frames.

"Please pick a toy!" He pouted his lips.

Harry burst out laughing while Niall giggled softly. Harry wiggled out of his arms, following after Louis as they two ventured through the toy store.

Niall just leaned against Ed's chest and hung onto him like a Koala. He was quite sleepy still. His night on the naughty chair wasn't the most restful.

Ed noticed how exhausted he seemed, so he calmed down a little. He knew that Niall was more fragile than Louis and Harry. Not only had he come from an awful family, but he was so quiet and shy that it was difficult to get to the boy to open up to them.

So far, Niall hadn't been completely comfortable with him, but Ed found relief in the fact that Niall was very close with Louis and Harry and his own son, Ashton.

"Do you need a nap?" Ed asked the tiny child.

Niall studied Ed's face. He didn't have to be afraid of answering honestly when Ed asked him. Still, he was always worried that he'd do something wrong and Ed would realize that Niall was a burden. After all, if his own Papa and Daddy had realized it, there was nothing stopping his Uncle Ed from.

He didn't want to reply without Louis' assurance that he could.

Ed took his silence as a yes. "Well, can you wait for a little bit? We just have to eat lunch and then it's nap time anyway?"

If he'd known that Niall had been in timeout all night, he'd have let the boy sleep right away. But he didn't.

And Niall, the poor boy, would never tell his Uncle that. He just nodded, flopping his head on his shoulder and fighting to stay awake. Ed's slow, rocking movements as he walked along Louis and Harry as they scoured the aisle in search of a toy was so soothing, and Niall found it becoming more and more difficult focus on what was happening.

He was zoned out when Louis and Harry decided on what they wanted and soon, he felt the fuzzy, warm wave of comfort that always came over him when he was sleepy before he finally fell asleep.

* * *

Niall awoke, scrubbing and his eyes with his small fists and peering blearily around the room. After some time, he realized that he was on Uncle Ed's couch. He curled into the soft cushion that had been placed at his side, still getting his bearings.

The last thing he remembered was the toy store. Suddenly, it all came crashing down on him; he'd been bad.

His Uncle had asked him not to fall asleep. And what had he done? He'd fallen asleep.

The small blonde felt tears prick at his eyes. He didn't understand why he couldn't get anything right. It was no wonder that his Daddy and Papa didn't want him.

Sniffling, Niall crawled off the couch and slumped his way to the stairs in Ed's house. Even though the only time his uncle had used it as the naughty stairs was when Louis had locked the cat out in the rain for fun, it was still a known fact for the kids that that was where time outs were done.

So, Niall, convinced that he needed to be punished sat down on the bottom stair and tucked his knees under his chin. He sat there for a few minutes until he heard Harry's excited squeal coming from upstairs and he realized, with a pang of pain, that he was in Uncle Ed's room, probably with Louis, watching a movie or playing a game.

He curled into himself while the three upstairs were none the wiser, thinking that the blonde was asleep on the couch. Niall panicked a bit when he realized that he had no idea where his stuffed elephant was.

As the time ticked on, he wanted so badly to check on the couch and hopefully find the stuffie, but he couldn't. He was in trouble. He had to sit here until someone let him out. He always hated sitting in time out because he could never stop himself from thinking about things that always made him sad.

He stewed on how disappointed he was that he hadn't gotten a toy from the store. His brothers had gotten to pick one, but he'd been stupid and fallen asleep. Worse yet, he knew, was that they only reason he'd been so sleepy on the first place was because he'd been in timeout all night because he couldn't spell properly. This was all his fault; he was just too stupid.

By this time, Niall has worked himself up and was now hiccuping loud sobs into his knobby knees. He was so distraught that he didn't even notice the front door open and close. He didn't even realize that Ashton had come rushing to him until said boy had scooped him up and hugged him to his chest.

"Nialler? Baby, what's wrong? Huh? What's got you so upset?" Ashton worried. He was partially aware of the hard time Niall had at home. He knew the boy was small and timid and that led to him being left out many times, but he didn't know that Zayn and Liam had gone to the extent of neglecting the boy sometimes and overreacting.

Niall just whimpered and pressed his small face into Ashton's shoulder. He'd forgotten just how much he'd missed the boy, but now, cradled in his arms, he couldn't even form words – he was too overwhelmed.

He heard Ashton cooing to him before he could feel Ashton walking. He didn't move from his position, still buried in the teen's shirt, but he did grip into him tightly and wrap his skinny legs around his waist.

Niall gasped, shuddering a wet breath when he felt something soft brush against his arm.

"Look, here, bug. I bet you were missing this right?" Ashton prodded. Niall raised his head hesitantly, hoping that Ashton had what he thought he did. He couldn't help the wobbly smile that curled on his cherry red lips when he saw his stuffed elephant clutched in Ashton's hand.

Ashton let the boy snuggle the toy while he took Niall to his room. He sighed when he passed his father's room, hearing Louis and Harry laughing inside and his dad's deep voice entertaining them all while Niall was an absolute mess.

He pressed a gentle kiss into Niall's soft hair. At least he was here now, Niall wouldn't be alone anymore.


	4. .three.

Ashton took Niall up to his room, coddling the sniffling six year old to his chest with one hand while he used the other to text his friends that he'd be busy for the rest of the weekend. Louis, Harry and Niall didn't spend every weekend at his house, but they did often enough for his friends to know about the situation.

"Niall? Flower? Can you tell me why you're so upset?" Ashton sat on his bed, crossing his legs and sitting Niall's small body in the space between them so that he was leaning against his chest.

Niall peered silently at Ashton, his red, itchy eyes watering slightly. He'd calmed down a lot now that he had his elephant back and Ashton paying attention to him, but the shame that he'd been bad for Uncle Ed was still heavy in his chest. He didn't want to tell Ashton what he'd done.

"Nialler? Come on, please. I've never gotten mad before. Have I?"

Niall shook his head slightly.

"I promise I won't. I'm not going to yell at you. I promise." Ashton had a hunch that Niall's life at home wasn't all sunshine and happiness. Of course he didn't know about the ridiculously long timeouts, spankings and favoritism that his blonde cousin endured, but he did know that Niall got in trouble sometimes and that Louis and Harry tended to outshine the quiet blonde.

"I was bad, Ashy." Niall whimpered, his voice small and shameful.

"What happened?" Ashton was careful with his words; he didn't want to scare Niall. He rubbed his hands down Niall's sides, prodding at him gently to assure the boy that he was there, that was wasn't alone, that Ashton wouldn't leave him.

"I-I'm _very_ stupid, Ashy," Niall spat, a scorn on his face as he talked about himself, "I, I, I can't even spell! Louis helped me and I still can't do it!"

Ashton hushed him as he worked himself up. "Hey, hey, hey. Come one, bug. Don't say that. You're not stupid. You're actually very smart. Spelling is just something that's a bit hard for you, that's all. You shouldn't be so upset about it."

Niall just hid into his chest again. Sure, Ashton made him feel better, but he knew he was wrong. If it's wasn't that big of a deal, he wouldn't have been spanked – twice – and been put in time out all night.

"What else happened?" Ashton knew that there was more. Niall usually cheered up when he was there, so to see the tiny boy curled up in a tiny ball on his lap was almost heartbreaking.

"Daddy and Papa are mad at me, Ashy. They hate me," Niall's voice cracked and a fresh wave of tears began falling down his splotchy, red cheeks.

Ashton felt his stomach drop as he looked down on his cousin, who was simply too young to be dealing with these horrible emotions. Niall shouldn't feel this sad.

"Come on, Niall. Don't say that, it's not true. They both love you very much. So do Lou and Haz. And so do I." Ashton assured him, gently wiping at Niall's red, splotchy cheeks, "you've always got me."

"But, but, Ashy," Niall dared to say. He was _that_ close to telling Ashton how much he hated living with Zayn and Liam. He almost told him how he'd been spanked and left in timeout for the entire night.

But, he didn't. He hesitated and even though Ashton nodded at him encouragingly, urging the young boy to get whatever he needed to off his chest, he couldn't. He didn't want anyone but him to know. He was too embarrassed. He was afraid that if he told Ashton, that he'd lose his cousin too. So, he just shook his head and avoided eye contact with Ashton.

"Okay, bugga," Ashton sighed, "you don't have to say. But you can always talk to me whenever, okay? Remember that."

Niall nodded, using his stuffed elephant to wipe his wet face before he felt Ashton's nimble fingers prodding at his sides gently. He squirmed and giggled, trying to escape Ashton's tickles.

"Stop!" He squealed, his smile growing until his cheeks were all smushed and his eyes were crinkly. "Ashy!"

Ashton tickled him a bit more before he stopped to let him breathe. "See, that's the Niall laugh I like to hear."

Niall blushed and snuggled into Ashton, his eyes feeling heavy again. This time though, he didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to miss out on any time with Ashton.

However, the teenager easily realized that Niall was doing, he saw his fluttering eyes and his head dropping for a split second before he caught himself and tried to wake up. So, he took his shoes of and shuffled under the blankets, tugging Niall with him. "Let's take a nap, eh. We'll play later."

He didn't have to convince Niall and the boy was asleep in seconds. Ashton dropped a soft kiss onto the top of his head, wondering how someone as sweet as Niall could get do distraught. He hated to see him so upset.

* * *

Zayn and Liam lived very busy lives during the weekend. Despite their three boys spending the weekend with their uncle many times, they hardly had enough time to get things done.

Liam would have to finish up all the work he'd brought home from the office while Zayn would have to get the house in order and ready for another week.

However, they still found the time to just sit together and talk. This time however, the conversation between the too was less than pleasant.

"Why did you send Niall up to me last night?" Liam asked Zayn, peering over at him. The two were nestled on the couch, the tv playing softly in the background.

"What do you mean? Didn't he tell you?"

"No. We didn't have time for that. I was busy." Liam didn't seem to think that there was any problem with his behavior. Zayn felt differently.

"You're kidding, right? You can't just punish the boys without knowing why. What did you say to him?"

"I didn't say anything!" Liam was growing frustrated. In his opinion, Zayn was being quite hypocritical; he spent just as much time with Niall as he did (with was basically none).

"Whatever," Zayn huffed, "if that's the kind of relationship you want to have with him, then fine. Go ahead." Zayn didn't care that he himself couldn't remember the last time he'd simply sat with their youngest to listen to him or build a bond. But that was irrelevant to him – they were discussing Liam's actions, not his.

* * *

Niall awoke from his nap with Louis shaking his shoulder lightly and cooing his name. When his blue eyes finally fluttered open, Louis grinned at his accomplishment and got Niall out of bed with, "Come on, Nialler. Ashton says you got to get up now."

Obedient as ever, Niall began shuffling off the bed, his muscles lose and wobbly after finally sleeping comfortably.

"Wait," Louis stopped him, a cheeky smile on his face. He gently pushed Niall to sit on the edge of the bed before pulling a small package from behind his back. "Hazza wrapped it but I picked it out. We hope you like it."

Niall reached for the lopsided mess of wrapping paper in Louis's hands. There was way too much tape and Harry had even resorted to using floss to keep everything together, but to Niall, this was the most beautiful thing he could imagine. His brothers had gotten something for him. They'd cared enough to do this and that alone had his heart doing little skips of joy.

"Thank you, Lou Lou." Niall said as he gently removed the vibrant, sparkling pink wrapping paper. When he had peeled back enough of the paper to see what it was, he flicked his eyes up to meet Louis' eyes. Louis was staring intently, eager to see his reaction.

Niall surged forward, wrapping his skinny arms around Louis' small shoulders. He buried his face into his brother's shoulder, "Thanks."

Sitting on his lap was a pair of brightly colored, fluffy socks. There was an outrageous, slightly cringy pattern that consisted of polka dots and zig zags but to Niall, it was perfect.

"You didn't get to pick anything out at the store," Louis broke the hug to explain, "and Hazza and I didn't want you to feel left out."

And that was how Niall found himself skipping to the kitchen, in search of Ashton, with Louis gripping his hand tightly and soft socks on his feet. And Niall thought that, if all every day was like this day, a day without his parents, that life would be so much happier.


	5. .four.

By Sunday, the boys returned home and soon enough, it was Monday. Unlike many kids, Niall was actually really excited to get out of the house and back to school. Sure the kids there weren't always too nice, but he'd pick them over his parents any day.

"Remember that Louis has a soccer game this afternoon so Harry, come straight home," Liam was driving while Zayn was addressing his sons in the backseat. "And Niall, make sure you're waiting outside. We can't be late."

Niall nodded immediately, refusing to look at Zayn, instead focusing his attention on his socks. The bright colors and cluttered pattern filling his stomach with a warm feeling. Just having them on made him feel safe. They made him feel loved. And wanted. He wished that he'd get these feeling from his parents instead.

He could soon see his school building through the window and when the car pulled to a stop, he more than eagerly followed his brothers out of the car.

* * *

School was fairly uneventful. Niall's teacher gave the class a new list of spelling words to learn, and he was already dreading the test on Friday but other than that, it was an ordinary day. He kept to himself. He really only had one friend, Brandon. Brandon was a quiet boy, much like he was, and he was so sweet and kind and Niall felt comfortable around him. But Brandon got sick at lot. He missed school more often than the other kids did and that day, Brandon was absent as well.

So, Niall sat at his table all alone during class and he sought Harry our during recess and lunch, the both of them spending the free time watching Louis get ready for his soccer game. Louis was one of the better players in the team, and even at ten years old, he'd figured out that he'd gained popularity because it.

Harry and Niall were experiencing the effects of being his brother. Not everyone could say that they had the coolest ten year old in the world as their brother. But Niall and Harry could.

Louis' older friends and teammates waved at them and checked in with them, making the eight and six year olds feel special and even a bit popular themselves.

When school was over, Niall grabbed up his book and began rushing outside. He'd been given instructions to be waiting outside on time and he was excited to get to Louis' game. However, just as he ran from his classroom, he felt a sharp jerk on his arm and suddenly he was being dragged into one of the hallways that had already been deserted. When he was finally released, he peaked up nervously to see who had grabbed him: Ben and Mason.

"Where are you going?" Niall cowered back when Ben pushed him into the wall.

"You know your daddy isn't coming," Mason said snidely, "Why would he?"

"Yeah," Ben laughed, "He doesn't want to spend any time with you."

Usually, Niall would feel upset and sad and even a bit claustrophobic with the twins taunting him. However, right now, he could even focus on them. His thoughts were on his parents. He was sure that they were already waiting for him. After all, they couldn't risk being late to Louis' game. That meant that they were going to be angry. So angry.

"I need to go," Niall whispered, his head bowed in submission like a young pup. He knew better than to seem like he wanted to fight. He didn't want to be hurt.

"Why?" Ben scoffed, nudging his brother.

"Louis has a game today," Niall explained, voice soft and pleading. 

"Trust me, Louis doesn't want you there," Ben said.

"You will just embarrass him," Mason assured the six year old.

To Ben and Mason, Niall wasn't even a real person. In their young minds, they saw the small, quiet boy as someone who _wanted_ to be pushed around. After all, if he didn't want them to make fun of him, then he'd tell on them. But Niall didn't. He'd only told his brothers. And since they were kids too, they couldn't do much about it.

"Louis does want me there," Niall's voice was almost inaudible but he knew that he had to defend his brother. Harry and Louis were the two people he trusted the most in the whole world and he wouldn't let Ben and Mason say otherwise.

Ben ignored him, looking down at Niall's socks before saying mockingly, "Those are so ugly."

Niall's cheeks burned bright red in shame. These socks were _so_ special to him. And he thought they were the most gorgeous things he'd ever seen.

"I need to go. I'll get in trouble," Niall begged. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he knew it was too long. His Papa and Daddy were waiting.

"Here," Mason was grinning mischievously.

Niall looked up in fear, feeling his stomach tie in knots. He ran his eyes over Mason, trying it figure out what he was planning to do. During the whole three seconds that Niall's attention was focused on Mason, Ben uncapped his bottle of grape juice.

Pouring it all down on Niall's feet he laughed maniacally, "We fixed it."

Niall felt his eyes grow itchy and soon, there were hot, itchy tears crawling down his chubby cheeks. His socks were ruined. Soiled with the purple juice.

Now, Niall knew that sometimes he was in trouble for a good reason. Like, when he'd forgotten to tell Zayn and Liam about the parent-teacher meetings and when he'd lost his shoes that one time. He'd been naughty and he understood why he'd been punished, he really did.

But he also knew that sometimes, punishments were not deserved. For example, right now.

"Hey! Leave him alone!" Niall heard a childish voice call out loudly and suddenly.

Niall didn't look up. He couldn't take anymore. He kept his gaze focused on his socks. He barely registered when Ben and Mason ran away, giggling at what they'd done, and when he felt lanky arms wrap around his frame, Niall pushed away.

He looked up hesitantly when he heard a familiar voice cooing at him and sobbed harder when he saw that the person was Harry. He immediately closed the small space to his brother, throwing himself against the eight year old's chest.

"What happened, Nialler?" Harry held Niall in his arms. He wasn't accustomed to comforting Niall when things like this happened. Louis was the one who held the youngest and made sure everything was alright again. But Louis wasn't here and Niall needed _someone_ so tried his best.

"T-The, the socks. Harry. My _socks_ ," Niall hiccuped out, his toes wiggling around in his sticky shoes.

Harry pushed Niall away slightly to look down, gasping at the soiled socks. He felt something like rage swell inside him. Why did Niall always have to hurt? Why couldn't one day pass when his younger brother was simply happy? Why did something always have to get in the way?

He bent down, untying Niall's shoes and pulling the socks off. He rung them out and tucked them into Niall's backpack. "Louis will fix them, don't worry."

"He will?" Niall asked, full of awe and wonder. He looked up at Harry, seeing his green eyes filled with total confidence in Louis' ability to fix _anything_. And with that, Niall was assured that Louis could and would fix the problem.

"Now come on, Daddy and Papa are waiting in the parking lot," Harry grabbed ahold of Niall's small hand once his shoes were back on.

Parents weren't allowed to go into the school building without a special pass. Harry had seen his parent's car still in the parking lot when his bus was about to pull out of the school and he instantly knew something was wrong. He was alone that day since Louis would be staying back to practice some more, so Harry grabbed his things and ran from the bus.

He'd snuck up to his parents' car, peering in to see that he was right: Niall hadn't come out yet. And Harry knew how badly Niall wanted their parents to like him. He knew that his little brother would never be late when they'd asked him to be on time, so he stashed his bag outside and ran into the school.

He'd been a bit too late since Niall's socks were ruined and he was crying when he found him, but Harry relieved that Ben and Mason hasn't gotten to do any worse.

As Harry drew closer to their parents' car, he felt Niall's steps slow down. The green eyed boy looked down at his brother, "Don't worry, you aren't too late. We have lots of time to get to the game."

"Thank you, Harry," Niall said, eyes wide and innocent as he looked up at his older brother, trusting him completely. It was scary for Niall — to place his faith in his brothers — but he knew that they'd always come through for him. And they did. Harry had come when he needed him.

"I'll always be there for you, Niall baby, jelly baby," Harry poked Niall's cheeks, causing him to smile a little. With that, the two boys got into the car, Harry helping Niall into his car seat before he buckled himself in.

"What are you doing in school, Harry?" Liam asked as Zayn began to drive out of the school's parking lot.

Harry sent Niall a look, finding his brother curled up in a small ball and looking out of the window. Harry knew that there was something wrong with their family. He knew that his parents didn't treat Niall like they should. Sure they never beat him or anything torturous like that but in times like these, Harry knew that Niall was not being treated fairly.

He knew this because his parents didn't even care to ask Niall why his cheeks were still stained with tears or why he'd been late to the car. They only cared to know about Harry.

And when they got home, Harry was sent to his room to get ready while he knew that Niall was downstairs being yelled at for disobeying instructions.


	6. .five.

Louis' game surpassed Harry and Niall's expectations. To put simply, both of their little faces were reddened with excitement and uplifted with massive grins for the entire evening. Their cool older brother was scorning goals like crazy and everyone from school kept cheering at them too. Plus, there were all sorts of snacks to eat. Hot dogs, popcorn and even cotton candy.

After the game, Louis was soaked by his teammates' water bottles since he'd scored the most goals during the game and it was times like these that the true extent of Louis' maturity really showed. The ten year old didn't hesitate to pull his brothers into the celebration, letting them run around the field with him and allowing them to kick the ball around a little.

Everyone was happy. Zayn and Liam were proud parents of three, lovely children. Harry and Niall were basking in the glory of being related to the almighty Louis Mayne. And Louis was just happy to see both of this little brothers smiling and jumping around in excitement.

However, nice things didn't last long for Niall. As soon as they returned home, Liam's mood turned sour. Liam ordered Niall to go to his room, his voice loud and stern, reminding Niall of the lecture he'd gotten before the game. He'd thought that his Daddy yelling at him for being late was the end of his punishment, but seeing his furrowed brows and displeased frown, he knew he'd been wrong.

Zayn went to work, busy making dinner. Louis set off to take a bath and Harry followed after him to explain to Louis why their parents were so angry. The ten and eight year olds didn't really understand why their parents were still upset at Niall; he'd only caused them to be a little late and while Louis wished they'd been there for the whole game, once he heard about Niall's ruined socks, he felt pity above anything else.

Meanwhile, Liam went to Niall's room to find the small boy sitting on the edge of his bed. He couldn't get over the sight of Louis' hopeful face studying the crowd, his features lighting up when he'd spotted his family finally arriving at the game. Sure, Louis had gone back to his friends when he'd confirmed the presence of his family. But Liam, he felt anger in his stomach at the fact that Louis had even had to wonder if they'd be there. The slight fear in his son's eyes that no one would be coming to cheer him on had Liam's blood pressure rising and by the time he'd decided that Niall was the one to blame for all of this, he could swear that his ears felt hot.

"Niall?" Liam called as he opened the door, causing the six year old to stand at attention. He knees were knocking together and his big, blue eyes were filled with fright. He knew that if Liam was here, he was going to be spanked.

"Yes, Daddy?" The small boy squeaked. He was rather small and slim for his age – a result of abuse at the hands of his previous parents. He looked up at Liam, immediately turning away. He couldn't bear to acknowledge the look in his father's eyes: disappointment, shame and even anger.

However, what Liam did next stunned Niall and had him wishing that he'd just been spanked instead. As much as it hurt to have his father pulling him over his lap and laying lashes to his bum, he understood that his Daddy did it because he thought it would help him learn a lesson. He knew that his Daddy was doing what he thought was best and that he was only trying to help. However, when Liam just stood there and yelled at him, Niall didn't understand how that was supposed to make him better.

Niall stood, his eyes squeezing shut at every insult hurled at him. He stood there, body trembling as he listened to Liam complain about how much of a hassle he was and how difficult it was to handle him and how much he wished Niall was better behaved. Niall swallowed down his wails of hurt and shame as Liam emphasized how well behaved Louis and Harry were and how he wished that Niall was more like them.

And the entire time, Liam didn't even look at him. He didn't see the embarrassed – mortified – look on his son's face. He didn't see the red hue that had rested on Niall's cheeks, dripping down his neck and crawling all the way up to his ears. He didn't see the tears swimming his baby, blue eyes and he didn't see the look of utter betrayal hidden behind them.

Maybe if he had, he'd have realized that this time, his words had clawed at Niall's self esteem, breaking him down until he felt like _nothing_. He'd have noticed how distraught his son was and he'd have apologized. He would have scooped him up and promised that none of what he'd said had been true. He would have assured Niall that they wanted him, that _he_ wanted him. But he didn't, he just turned and left.

Pausing by his door he said nothing more except, "Change your clothes and come down for dinner."

As he closed the door behind him, Niall was left in the aftermath of his father's actions. He finally let his tears fall, immediately wishing that he'd kept them inside as they streamed down his cheeks in a seemingly endless way. Niall scrubbed at his eyes, hating that burning and itchiness that came with crying. His hands flew to cover his mouth when a particularly loud sob escaped.

Niall sank to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest and curling into an absolutely tiny ball. With his head buried in his knees, he sniveled and whimpered, Liam's words ringing in his ears.

_"Next time, we should leave you at home!"_  
_"Louis and Harry never do anything like this."_  
_"Why can't you just behave, Niall? Do you like upsetting us?"_

Niall felt like Liam was sitting right next to him, screaming into his ear. Tormenting him.

The six year old felt a weight much too heavy to carry build up in his chest and reach up to his throat, making him feel like he was choking. He sprung up, rubbing his chest with his small hands softly, trying to ease the pain away. With no success, he changed his focus from trying to comfort himself to obeying the instructions he'd been given in an effort to distract himself from the hurting.

He began to shrug his pants off, feeling trapped when he struggled with getting it off his spindly legs. With much more of a struggle than it usually took, Niall eventually found himself rid of his trousers. He felt so _tired_.

Just in his teeshirt and boxers, Niall remembered his socks, still hidden away in his backpack. He felt his tears fall faster, almost blinding him by that time. But he just swiped at his eyes, scurrying over to his backpack and fishing out the wet, soggy socks from the bag. He had to hide it. He didn't want it to be taken away from him. He couldn't have it taken away from him.

Niall looked around the room, his watering eyes falling on his wardrobe and a plan brewing in his young mind. He opened his cupboard and pushed his few shirts to the side. He placed the socks in their place and shut the door. Well, he tried to. However, something was jamming it.

Inspecting it as best as he could through his red, swollen eyes that had only just slowed their crying, Niall saw one of his shirts snagged. It was peaking through to the other side, stopping the door from closing.

He cautiously crawled into the cupboard. He hated small spaces. Too many hours spent hiding from his old family in cupboards and under beds had caused him to associate small spaces with fear. Fear for his safety. Fear for his wellbeing. Fear for his survival. Fear of the inevitable pain what always came upon him whenever his old parents were around.

So Niall was extra jittery when he began tugging on the shirt, trying to dislodge it. And just as he got it loose, there was a loud slam and Niall suddenly found himself engulfed in darkness.

Niall immediately felt his breath stop. Instead of the shuddering cries he'd been letting out, he felt like there was cotton stuffed down his throat, strangling him. He shifted around, his trembling hands fumbling for the door. He had to get out.

Finally finding the correct place to push, Niall shoved at the door. Nothing. He pushed again, more desperate and jerky this time. Again, nothing. It didn't even budge. He couldn't stop the strangled shriek that crawled up his throat when he slammed against the door once again, with no success. It was stuck. _He_ was stuck.


	7. .six.

"Niall! Dinner is ready!" Zayn shouted again. His face was set in a glare. The whole family, save for Niall, was at the dinner table. They'd been there almost ten minutes now and Niall was still missing. While Louis was becoming more worried as the time passed, Zayn and Liam were only becoming more pissed off.

"Papa, I can go get him," Louis said quietly for the second time since they'd sat down to eat.

"No! Niall should come when he's called." Liam yelled, making Louis jump and Harry whimper. Liam yelled at Niall all the time, but never at his other boys. Harry felt guilty that Niall had to experience this all the time while he never had to because it was scary.

"Maybe something's wrong," Harry spoke up. His voice was hesitant and trembling, but he honestly thought that was the case. He knew Niall would have been at the table by now. He always was.

"Harry!" Liam shouted, slamming his fist onto the table, causing Harry to scream in fear and burst into tears.

Louis shot up from his seat, rushing over to pull Harry into his arms. "Daddy, stop yelling! You're scaring him."

Liam just grumbled under his breath before he got up, storming off to Niall's room. Zayn had the decency to at least look conflicted. His eyes were sad and ashamed as he looked on at his middle son sobbing in fright. However, when Liam's loud voice yelled Niall's voice again, he rushed off to intervene.

Meanwhile, Niall was panicking. In his young mind, his thoughts were getting mixed up. He'd been in the closet for more than twenty minutes now and it was beginning to get harder to separate his memories from what was actually happening. The walls around him were pressing on his shoulders and back which was only making matters worse and in the dark, he felt like he could see monsters coming to get him.

He jumped when he heard his Daddy's angry voice coming closer and that was when he fell into a full blown panic attack. Suddenly, he was no longer with his new, safe family. Instead, he was back at his old house, living under the wrath of his previous parents. Niall felt a hand closing around his throat. He felt his mother's sharp fingernails digging into his skin. His felt his father's grimy breath on his skin.

Liam's voice only got closer and the louder he became, the more Niall slipped further into his panic. He was completely immersed in memories. He wasn't trapped anymore, he was hiding from his old parents. He was hiding from their fists and their relentless kicks. He was hiding from their harsh words and the bottles that were thrown at him. And he was alone. There was no Louis or Harry at his house. There was no Uncle Ed and no Ashton to run to. There was no one to help him.

Liam's voice was right outside the door now and when the closet door flew open, instead of the intense relief that he'd hoped he would experience, the six year old was shoved further into his flashback.

He screamed and cowered away, his breath hitching as he tried to get away. "No! No!"

Niall's voice was sharp and frazzled, his eyes wide, but not recognizing his Daddy and Papa. Instead, he only saw his old mother and father, glaring at him. Tears were slipping down his cheeks, running down his neck and soaking his jersey.

"Niall!" Zayn panicked, pushing Liam away and trying to tend to his youngest. Liam went easily, dumbfounded. They'd never seen Niall having such a bad panic attack.

Zayn pulled Niall out of the closet, holding his small body against his chest. Instead of relaxing, Niall began to flail around. "No! Please, don't. Leave me alone! Please!" He was sobbing, choking on his sobs. His breaths were rapid and uneven.

Zayn held onto his wriggling son, but the longer he held him, the worse Niall became. The poor boy was red and sweaty and his parents were not helping at all. In fact, they were only making it worse.

"Daddy?" Louis' voice was there now, and Niall stilled immediately. He was huffing for air, but his eyes were trained on Louis'. Louis meant safety. His older brother was a beacon on hope. He was the one to go to. The one who would always be there. Louis was the one to do bath times and tuck-ins. Louis was the one who heated his milk after nightmares and kissed him goodnight.

Niall pushed out of Zayn's arms, falling into the floor. Zayn lunged forward, grabbing onto his hips. Niall screeched, trying to get away from him. He wanted Louis. He needed Louis. Zayn didn't understand. He was Niall's parent. Shouldn't the boy be craving his comfort? Why wouldn't Niall let him help?

Louis was angry as he ran toward his Papa. Harry was hovering behind him, but he made no move to go towards Zayn. He was more focused on Liam who was watching the scene unfold, refusing to get involved. He looked at his Daddy with shame as Liam slipped out of the room, without a word.

Louis ripped Niall out of Zayn's arms, yelling, "Leave him alone. He doesn't want you!"

Zayn stumbled back, watching as Niall collapsed into his brother's arms. Louis wrapped him in a hug, cooing at him. Niall pressed his face into his chest, hiding from everyone else in the room, crying loudly. Louis being right there, under his hands and holding him tightly was all he needed to prove that he wasn't in danger. He was slowly realizing that his old parents weren't there. They weren't going to hurt him. He was safe.

However, his epiphany didn't stop that fact that he couldn't seem to catch his breath. Little wheezes were coming with his breaths and his chest felt like someone had poured acid down it. His insides were burning and all he wanted was to _breathe_.

"Papa, Niall's not breathing right," Louis looked up to Zayn. He didn't know how to handle this. He could deal with tears and scraped knees. He knew what to do when someone had a nightmare and how to heat milk in the microwave, but the ten year old did not know how to help his little brother recover from a severe panic attack.

"Here's his inhaler, Papa," Harry was already pressing Niall's medicine into Zayn's hand before he even decided that was what Niall needed. He'd been watching, scurrying around for Niall's inhaler as soon as he'd heard his raspy breathing. Sure, he wasn't as grown up as Louis, but he also looked out for Niall. Fetching his inhaler was something he could do: a Harry-sized job as Louis would say.

Zayn praised Harry for his quick thinking. But, in order to get Niall to take his medicine, the six year old needed to calm down a little. Zayn dropped to the ground and sent Harry to get some cold water while he guided Louis to sit on the floor as well.

He helped the ten year old to get Niall to sit against him, so that the youngest's back was pressed against Louis' chest.

"Okay, Louis, take deep, slow breaths. Keep talking to Niall. You're going good." Zayn told Louis before he crawled in front of the boys so that Niall could see him easily.

"Niall? Baby? I'm Papa," Zayn had seen the fear in his eyes and he was now piecing together what Niall had been thinking. It had hurt his heart. He'd thought that they'd gotten past the stage where Niall needed to be reassured that his old parents were never going to be in his life again, but he'd obviously been wrong.

Zayn looked at Louis over Niall's shoulder, nodding at him before he began talking to Niall again. "I know you're scared, but I need you to breathe like Louis.Take a breath in. Out. In. Just like Louis. That's it."

Niall closed his eyes and focused all his attention to matching his breath to Louis'. His hands were clutching Louis' pants tightly and every time he took a breath in, he pulled on it, the fabric scrunching in his fists. His chest was still burning but his mind was clearer now.

Zayn shook his inhaler and helped Niall get it into his mouth before pushing down. Niall's entire body was relieved as the medicated air made its way to his lungs and after a few puffs, he was able to breathe again. Tears were still flowing down his cheeks, but he was calmer now. His grip on Louis loosened as he took in air freely.

Harry made his presence known with, "Papa, I have the water. Does Niall want it?" And he sounded so afraid that Zayn motioned him forward. Zayn helped him get the water to Niall before holding him in his arms.

Harry didn't take his eyes off Niall, almost like he was guarding him. Protecting him. Louis was the same. He kept running his hands through Niall's wet hair and rubbing his back. Niall was basking in the attention. His heart was still racing but he was coming down from the adrenaline rush and anxiety that had consumed him.

Zayn sighed. Nothing about this was right. Niall was only six. Sure, his past wasn't what it should have been, but when they'd adopted him, they'd gone to therapy and he was fine. The occasional nightmare and need for reassurance were all that had remained. This was completely different. Niall was afraid of him. Afraid of Liam. He didn't trust them anymore and Zayn knew that it was his fault.

"Okay," Zayn said while Niall sipped on his water, "Let's all go down for dinner now. Louis, you get Niall to the table. Harry, you go find Daddy."

Louis huffed and rolled his eyes. He was getting fed up with his parents. They didn't know _anything_ about how to care for Niall. He was about to fire off of snarky remark, however, Harry beat him to it.

"Papa, Niall needs a nap. He never eats after he gets sick. He's too sleepy. It's hard for him to breathe and it hurts him. He's gotta rest now," Harry said, much sweeter than Louis would have been.

"I'm going to get Niall into the bath," Louis said. And that was final. The ten year old didn't wait for any discussion. He helped Niall to stand and sent him to the bathroom before gathering some pajamas and a towel before following the youngest out the door.

Zayn sat back in shock. How did Louis even know how to run a bath? That was something his parents were supposed to do. Ten year olds weren't supposed to be concerned with such things.

"Papa?" Harry shuffled on his feet. He wrung his fingers together, tugging anxiously on them.

"Yes, Harry?" Zayn pulled the eight year old boy onto his lap. At least he could take care of Harry.

"Can you fix these?" Harry confused Zayn by pulling a pair of stained socks from behind his back. Zayn knew that he'd never bought them, the design was much to wacky to forget buying.

"Where'd you get these?" Zayn asked.

"Me and Lou gave them to Niall. But then this boy poured juice on it," Harry's voice got tight, "and Niall was sad. Do you know how to fix it? Are they broken forever?"

"They're not broken, lovely. I'll just put them in the wash." Zayn felt his chest pain when Harry gave a happy, relieved smile. He loved his boys so much and it hurt to put his happiness in someone else, because when they hurt, he hurt too, "But first, I need to know why Niall wants to be with Louis so much? And how do you two boys know so much about taking care of him?"

Harry furrowed his eyebrows because didn't his Papa know. It was pretty obvious.

"Well, someone has to," he said bluntly.

"Daddy and I take care of you all," Zayn said.

"You take care of me and Lou. And Lou takes care of Niall and I help. Daddy spanks Niall and yells all the time and you never listen and you tell Daddy bad things about him. Niall is sad and lonely but Louis makes that go away."

Zayn felt his chest grow heavy. He knew that he didn't spend much time with Niall but he hadn't realized he true extent to it.

"Louis helps with the homework and the bath times because Daddy always said that he's to tired to give Niall a bath and I share my lunch because you forget to pack for Niall." Harry continued. "But only Louis can help when Niall gets sick and he can't breathe and his face gets white."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"Not really. It never gets bad like this. Once Louis is there, he makes Niall better in no time." Zayn felt guilt tugging on his stomach. His ten year old and his eight year old have been raising his youngest son and he'd been clueless.

"Okay, Harry. Let's go get these socks washed." Zayn couldn't hear anymore. His head was spinning and he felt like throwing up.

Harry cheered, so excited because he knew that Niall would be so happy to have his socks returned to him. "But wait," he stilled, doubt clouding his mind. This behavior from his parents was foreign to him. He wasn't accustomed to them actually caring about Niall's wellbeing. Surely, something was wrong. "Why do you want to know about Niall?" Then, a horrifying thought occurred, "You're not going to send him away? Please let him stay! Lou and me love him!"

And Zayn looked down into the eyes of his son, big and green, begging to keep his little brother because he honestly believed that his parents might send him away and his heart cracked, right in his chest. "Daddy and I are never going to send Niall away. I promise. We love him very much and we'd miss him."

Harry snuggled up against his chest, so, so grateful and relieved. Zayn held his son in his arms. His mind was racing and most of his thoughts were occupied with his youngest son who he'd somehow forgotten. His youngest son who was suffering because he'd failed as a parent.

Meanwhile, Louis was rushing around the bathroom. He'd put Niall to sit on the toilet while he put the tub to fill. Usually, Niall showered because he always had his bath last and there wasn't enough warm water left to fill the tub. However, the small boy was always too drained after an asthma attack to stand in the shower.

After the bath was filled to a suitable level and the temperature was good, Louis went to Niall. The poor boy had fallen asleep, still sitting but leaning heavily on the toilet with his eyes closed and his head drooping.

Louis gently woke him up, cooing encouragingly at him and getting him out of his clothes. Once he was naked, Louis could see that Niall had been scratching at his neck and chest while in the closet. There were scrapes running down his skin and in some places there was some blood dribbling onto his skin.

Louis got him into the bath, cringing when Niall began whimpering as the water burned at his cuts. "Why'd you do this?"

"She was hurtin' me again, Lou," Niall whispered. His voice was filled with shame. He'd been taught that his old family would never get him again. He had a new home with safe people and two amazing brothers. Yet still, he'd thought that his mother was there in the closet with him. Now that he knew he'd been wrong, he felt guilty that he ever thought that the people he knew loved him would let his old parents be around him.

"Who?" Louis asked, his voice innocent and curious, a clear indicator of just how young he was.

"Me ma," Niall turned to his brother, tears forming in his eyes.

Louis gripped his little face, his hands placed on Niall's rounded cheeks. "Nialler. It was scary in there, I know. And it's okay to be scared sometimes, 'specially when your chest hurts. Just remember that those mean people can't hurt you anymore."

Niall nodded, his stomach warming up. He relaxed into the water, his older brother doting over him. Louis soaped him up, washed him off, got him out of the water and dried him off before he rubbed some medicine on the scratches. By that time, Niall was asleep standing up. Louis guided his heavy limbs into his pajamas before helping him back to his bedroom.

Louis almost dropped Niall when he saw his socks, freshly washed and sitting on the bottom on Niall's bed.

"Look here, Niall." Louis squealed.

Niall blinked blearily at him, a soft, sleepy smile quirking his lips when he saw his socks, returned to their previous condition. He was too tired to say the words, but Louis knew what he wanted. He put them onto Niall's feet before tucking him into his sheets. When he was sure he was comfortable and had his stuffed elephant with him, he kissed him good night before heading off to check on Harry. He was more than surprised to find him already in bed. He kissed him goodnight as well before climbing into his own bed. None of them had had dinner yet, but he was tired. He was ready to go to sleep.


	8. .seven.

The past week of Zayn's life had been hell. After his talk with Harry, he'd been more observant. Unfortunately, what he'd learned left an uncomfortable mass of guilt and shame in his stomach and every time he looked at his boys, it only grew bigger. His boys were his world and he'd left them alone. They'd been hurting and he'd been completely clueless. Despite anything he'd had to deal with, there was no excuse to how he'd been treating his kids. He'd made a promise to protect and care for them when he'd adopted them but he'd broken that promise and now, not only was his life in turmoil, his children were suffering as well.

Harry had been their first. The little boy was only six months only when he and Liam had been approved for adoption and had been placed with the green eyed baby. He'd been given up by his teenaged mother and was the most smiley, giggliest baby they'd ever met. Zayn had a special place in his heart for the moment when he'd first met Harry. The baby had been the most beautiful person he'd seen in his life. He'd never expected to have a baby because of his sexuality and to have such a gorgeous one to call his own was surreal.

Harry had grown into a carefree toddler by the time they'd taken Louis in. Louis had been five and was only meant to be a temporary foster kid. However, the charming boy only needed to bat his ridiculously long eyelashes and flash his gapped toothed smile to have the family under his spell. The boy had been raised by his grandmother, his own mother wanting to give him up for adoption. However, in her old age, she'd given Louis up for adoption, no longer able to care for him. The boy had been raised very well. He was so sweet and well mannered. He absolutely adored Harry and the two boys developed a bond seemingly from the minute Louis stepped into the house. He was caring and patient and just a little mischievous and he never left Harry out of his antics.

While Louis and Harry had never suffered abuse, like it should be, the same couldn't be said about Niall. The youngest had been living with his abusive parents until he was four and a neighbour had heard his screaming and crying. The poor boy had never left the house before and the world of social services and hospitals and orphanages was so big and foreign to him. He'd been so overwhelmed, too afraid to speak to anyone until he'd met Zayn and Liam. The couple paid frequent visits to the local orphanage, knowing how much a short visit could brighten up the children's lives. When they'd heard about Niall, they'd prepared a small bag with some toys and blankets for him. However, when they were actually introduced to the little boy, they too couldn't seem to form words. Niall was in an awful state. His body was covered in cuts, bruises and burns. There was no part of him left unscarred. His left arm was broken, and while he'd never wish pain on a child, Zayn was grateful that Niall had been screaming when it has been broken, because he'd finally gotten to escape his parents. His hair was a mix of sun bleached blonde hair and light brown hair and looked so soft that Zayn had wanted to run his fingers through it and ruffle it. However when he'd taken a closer look, he'd realized that Niall was missing patches of hair. His hair had been ripped from his scalp. The realization had made him need to excuse himself to the bathroom to throw up. What kind of monster can hurt someone like this?

When he'd returned to the room, the sight he met was astounding. Right there, in the middle of the room, Liam held a balled up Niall on his lap, tears running down both of their cheeks. Niall, the same Niall who had been flinching and fainting whenever someone tried to touch him was willingly cuddled up to his husband. Liam was visibly shaking, his head bowed and Zayn could hear soft whispers drifting from his lips. Niall trusted Liam, for a reason Zayn would never know, not even to this day. He had no idea what Liam had said or done to make Niall accept him into his life.

After that interaction, it had been clear that the best thing for Niall was for them to adopt him. With his adoption came the immense responsibility to care for a child who was fragile and needed more help than their other boys did. But with Liam cooing at him and cuddling him, Niall allowed himself to become part of the family and soon had two older brothers who understood that the boy needed them to be his 'superheroes' and two fathers who were prepared to help him past the trauma of the first few years of his life. 

But he'd failed. Zayn had failed and each of his boys had changed so much since then. Harry, little Harry who was their first son. Harry who'd always been up for a cuddle and would be eager to chat your ear off after a day of school had become so independent. He'd done a lot of growing up in a few months. He'd learned how to take care of not only himself, but Niall as well. Instead of constantly gravitating towards Louis, he'd learned how to back off and let the oldest care for Niall. At the young age of just eight years old, Harry had learned how to be selfless to an extent that he shouldn't have had to develop just yet. He'd been stuck between not being old enough to be able step up and help Niall as much as Louis had, but not being young enough to shrug off the responsibility by being blissfully unaware. Zayn was baffled by his patience and understanding. He'd seen Harry stepping in when Louis couldn't, guiding Niall with the mundane tasks that still had to be done, regardless of how simple or meaningless they seemed. He helped Niall with the shoe tying and the teeth brushing. He helped him with his hair and he answered the easy questions the blonde had. He told the bed time stories that had grown into sagas. He was doing all this when he should have been out, playing and exploring and just being a goofy eight year old boy.

Louis had taken on more than Harry had. Not only was he there for Niall, he also ensured to make time for Harry – they were both his little brothers after all. Zayn watched with guilt and shame pouring into him as Louis did for Niall and Harry more than he and Liam were doing. He watched as his oldest took care of meals and bedtimes and clothes and homework and nightmares and games and everything a parent should be doing. He watched as Louis did this without ever complaining. He never brushed them away, even when Zayn saw how clingy and needy they were. He'd been willing to help and instead of praising him, Zayn had taken it for granted and tossed his responsibilities onto him.

As badly as Harry and Louis were affected, it was nothing compared to how Niall had developed. While his brothers were older and louder and took up more space, he was small and shy and quiet. He'd fallen into the background, forgotten by his parents. Zayn could hardly look at him without being eaten by his own shame and regret. Zayn couldn't remember the last smile he'd given his son. He couldn't remember the last time he'd taken him shopping, watched toons with him, helped him with his schoolwork or just sat and listened to him. Worse yet, he _could_ remember the way Niall had been acting up lately.

It seemed to him that the boy had been misbehaving recently. He was almost always on the naughty chair or sulking after being in trouble with Liam. At first, Zayn and wrote Niall's antis off as a cry for attention, however, he learned it was much worse than that. Niall had been suffering uncalled for punishments and Liam was the main instigator. Zayn's heart broke every time Liam snapped at the boy because Niall looked so wounded and betrayed afterwards. Liam, the one he'd given his complete trust to, was neglecting the little boy, and Zayn had to stop it. He had to stop all of it before it got any worse.

But anytime he tried, someone was always stopping him. Of course he'd tried to take over Louis' and Harry's jobs, but both boys insisted that they didn't want his help. After Niall's panic attack, the two boys had seen how incompetent their parents were when it came to Niall's care recently and especially Louis was determined to ensure that neither of his parents got close to his brother again.

Zayn's conversations with Louis and Harry mainly consisted of him begging them to help Niall. From little things like helping him get dressed to bigger things like putting him to bed. Louis and Harry – mainly Louis – would protest until almost in tears that they did not want Zayn to interfere. It was clear that they didn't trust him. While they allowed their relationship with their Papa to continue as normal, they were insistent that Niall was not allowed to be messed with.

Niall would just avoid eye contact and offer up a small, grateful smile when Zayn ensured his plate was present and full during meal times. He was thrilled that his Papa was actually looking at him and offering him food and snacks. He'd thought that his days of his parents caring for him were long gone, but Zayn's actions were giving him hope. Other than that, he just hid away in Louis' side. Because while he would love to have his Papa back, he knew that nothing was permanent with him. However, he could always count on Louis and Harry. They'd been there the entire time and they'd never leave him.

Liam was no better. He was always at the office or holed up in the bedroom, typing away at his laptop. Whenever Zayn tried to bring up the problems he was noticing, Liam would just shrug him off, insisting that he was over exaggerating.

So, Zayn was in a tough place. He was coming to terms with the problem he'd created – a problem which was causing his three little boys to suffer – but there didn't seem to be any way to fix it.


	9. .eight.

Harry woke with a funny feeling in his stomach. He wasn't really sure what it was or what was causing it, but he knew he wasn't sick. He was just uncomfortable.

Judging by the streaks of sunlight peeking through his curtains, he knew that it was morning, so he deemed it acceptable to slip out of bed, toe on his fuzzy slippers (the ones with the bunny ears on them), and pad into Louis room. His thin, red lips fell into a tiny 'o' when he saw that Niall had already taken up residence in Louis' bed and was wrapped up in the blankets, shaking and trembling.

"Wha' happend?" Harry managed to get out, his voice still sleepy.

Louis looked up, his arms resting around Niall's form and looking like he hadn't even noticed that Harry had entered. He wiped the surprised look off his face and gave his younger brother a soft, gentle smile. "Come here. We can all cuddle together."

There was a sudden pause in the teary and upset noises coming from Niall, which allowed Harry to realize why had gotten out of bed: Daddy and Papa were fighting – again.

He thought about the past week, a frown settling onto his lips. Since Niall had gotten stuck in the cupboard, there'd been a shift in the family and it didn't sit right with the middle child. His Papa was hovering more. He'd been trying to do things for Niall, and honestly, Harry was confused because he thought his Papa only had to do stuff for him and Louis. But Niall was happier when their Papa tried, so he figured it wasn't too bad. However, he soon received strict instructions from Louis not to let their Papa interfere. So, since Louis seemed to know more about taking care of Niall than their Papa did, Harry listened to him.

However, their Daddy was the complete opposite. Well, he didn't change per say, he just continued on as usual. He went to work, came home, did more work and then he ate dinner. He helped him and Louis with baths, scolded Niall for being bad, read bedtime stories to everyone but the youngest (which was mostly because Niall was always already asleep by the time it was his turn) and then he went to bed.

Louis beckoned him over again and Niall looked at him with his big, blue, watery eyes. The two were looking at him, almost as if they felt sorry for him – like they knew something he didn't. Harry, young and confused about most everything that had been happening, just shook the thought from his head, slipped his shoes off and climbed up into Louis bed. The three brothers curled up together, listening to their parents. Harry almost wished he'd stayed in his own bed, though, because he could hear his parents words clearly now since Louis' room was the closest to their parents'.

"Maybe we should keep the boys home," Zayn said, half convinced that sending the three boys to Ed's for the weekend would only add to the recent neglect they'd been subjected to and half afraid that Ed might realize what's had been happening and do something about it.

Liam's gaze flicked up from where he'd been packing a bag with clothes, and other necessities for the boys, to meet Zayn in a frustrated glare. "Look, if this is about the promotion, just say it. Stop hiding behind the kids."

Zayn's eyes widened in shock because, really – did Liam think that he'd sink that low? "Li, when was the last time you just took a break to be with the boys? They miss you. They need their father. Especially Niall. You know that."

"I mean, if you didn't want me to take the job, then you should have said something when I gave you the chance. You seem all too eager to take my money but you don't want me to actually do the work to get it. I don't know about you but I have to work hard for my money."

"This isn't about the damn job Liam. Neither of us have been doing what we promised to do." Then, Zayn's voice dropped to a whisper. "Imagine what would happen if anyone found out."

Liam's expression hardened. He didn't believe anything Zayn was saying. Why would he? He'd never treat his children like Zayn was accusing him of. Never. "Ed's expecting the boys and I've got work to finish up. The washing still has to be done. What about your mother?"

"I was thinking we could take them this time." Zayn was sheepish because he hadn't actually put any further thought into how they would still get everything done _and_ have the boys with them. This particular issue was something they'd both decided didn't need to affect the boys, but it seemed like there was no other choice now.

"Oh come on!" Liam was shouting now because Zayn really was being unreasonable. They'd both decided on this before and their plans couldn't just change on a whim. "You can't be serious. None of the boys are going to meet her. We've been over this."

Zayn pushed out his chest. Yes, he had come to an agreement with Liam but that was _before_ he'd realized just how messed up their little family had become. And he didn't understand why Liam wasn't seeing what he was seeing. He was pissed off, and frankly, he would say thigs he didn't mean if this conversation continued, so he just sent Liam an ugly, scornful smile. "You need to open your eyes. You're a horrible father and I hope your kids get taken away from you." He there was no way in hell he was going to stick around and take shit from Liam, so he grabbed the car keys and left. He left Liam with the three boys – who just the night before he'd promised to protect forever – and went to cool off.

Meanwhile, Liam was angry. His head was hot and he was sure that his face was turning red. He should have known better than to let his husband leave, but Zayn had no right to question his relationship with his children.

"Louis! Open the door!" he yelled when the doorbell rang. He heard he urgent patter of small feet rushing to the door before Ed's joyful lilt filling up the house, almost clearing away the negativity that had been suffocating Liam.

"Uncle Ed!" Liam heard Harry squeal out before the house was consumed with giggles and laughs.

Finishing up with Niall's and Harry's inhalers and Louis' special, electric toothbrush that he was much too proud of, Liam sent his boys off with bear hugs and kisses to their red, chubby cheeks. And, it was when he realized that there were only two boys rushing to get their goodbye kisses did he realize that their might have been some truth to what Zayn had said.

"Niall? Roo?" Liam called and the little boy's eyes widened to the size of saucers, because that was his Daddy's special name for him and he hadn't heard it in such a long time. "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"

Liam frowned as Niall came forward into his embrace hesitantly and almost cautiously. Even more worrying was that while Ed had already taken Harry to the car, Louis was hovering in the back, watching over Niall like a mother hawk guarding her nestling.

Liam took a good look at the little boy in his arms, still in pajamas. His hair was messy on his head, sticking up in every direction possible. His cheeks were splotchy and his eyes were a little red. His nose was running a little and his entire demeanor made it so obvious that the boys had heard him and Zayn yelling.

"Have fun," Liam whispered. The way Niall was holding onto him, like he wasn't sure that he'd ever get the chance to again, made his chest ache until he felt it in his bones. Suddenly, Liam couldn't remember the last time he'd held Niall like this. He couldn't remember the last time he done anything intimate with the boy and the weight of how unaware he'd been was crushing him.

"Love you, Daddy," Niall whispered into his shoulder, his voice soft and sweet against his jacket, before he ran off, grabbing Louis' hand and following him out the door.

Liam sank to his knees, trembling as he was overcome with emotion. His mind was whirring, the sight of Niall scampering away replaying over and over again. Niall had left – he hadn't even given Liam a chance to say 'I love you' back – simply because he didn't expect it. That realization made tears cloud Liam's vision. _What had he done?_

* * *

Ed could tell that there was something off with the family but the kids seemed happy enough and he had some errands to run, so he dropped the boys off at his own house, leaving them with Ashton and instructions to feed them.

"What's up?" It was ultimately Ashton who had to ask the brothers what was bothering them. He popped the question over a bowl of cereal and milk.

"Nothing," Louis grumbled, face screwed up and avoiding Ashton so that it was clear that it wasn't nothing.

Ashton smiled fondly at the petulant boy; if any of the boys were to give him an answer like that he knew it would be Louis.

"We don' wanna talk about it," Harry said, much more polite.

Ashton smirked at Niall, wriggling his eyebrows around and even throwing in a swirl of his finger at his ear, to call Louis and Harry crazy. Niall giggled until he was red in the face before huffing out, "Daddy an' Papa are fightin'." In his innocence, he trusted Ashton. There was no reason to keep something like this from him.

Louis glared at him, not wanting anyone to know; it was embarrassing.

"What are they fighting about?" Ashton asked.

"Niall, don't," Louis warned.

Ashton grew even more baffled when Harry grew somber, immersing himself in his cereal, having nothing more to say.

Niall paid his brothers no attention, though. "I dunno. They're angry with me 'gain."

"No, they're not," Harry piped up, "you didn't do anything wrong."

Ashton watched the six and eight year olds bicker in whispers before Louis cut them off, lips turned down in disappointment that their little secret was out. "Niall got sick and couldn't breathe and Daddy didn't help and Papa didn't know how and now everyone's upset."

Ashton sighed. It seemed like Zayn and Liam didn't know how capable their kids were at figuring out what was going on. He still wasn't too clear on what was going on with their parents, but he let that slide in favour of focusing on comforting the brothers.

"Were they yelling a lot?" he asked.

Harry scrunched up his face. "Yes. And Papa left."

"And he said that he didn't want Daddy to keep us," Niall sighed, voice heavy with worry.

"But that can't happen. Right?" Louis looked up at Ashton, hoping for the older boy to reassure him. "No one can take us back? They can't send us back to the orphanage?"

"Well, once your Daddy and Papa are good and take care of you, then they get to keep you," Ashton said.

He watched as the brothers looked at each other, having a silent conversation. And by the grievous looks on their faces, he'd done nothing to alleviate their worries.


	10. .nine.

Niall woke the next day to Liam's voice, heavy on his tired ears. He blinked his bright blue eyes open slowly, unknowingly sending Liam into shock over how beautiful they were. He'd forgotten the little universe his son carried around in his baby blue eyes and the sight made him feel small and humbled. He felt as though Niall could just bat his pretty eyes at him and he'd do anything. He'd do anything to make any of his boys happy.

"Good morning, baby," Liam whispered, lips quirked in a small smile and keeping his voice soft.

"Daddy?" Niall scrunched up his sleepy face, too fresh out of his slumber to really process what was happening.

"Yeah, baby. It's me."

Niall just blinked at him, face slack and expressionless. His eyes flitted around the room, searching for Louis. He came up empty handed, resigning himself to whatever Liam was going to be mad at him for. He pinched his face together, refusing to look at his father.

Liam felt like his heart had just been held in a vice grip. He couldn't seem to get it beating right – not when his son's first reaction was to be afraid of him. "I was wondering if you wanted to cuddle."

Niall's eyes widened in shock and he briefly wondered if he was still dreaming. But he could still feel his warm, fuzzy socks tight at his ankles, so knew he was awake. This was really happening. He nodded, shifting in his bed to let Liam in.

Liam pulled the small boy onto his lap, rubbing his large, warm hands up his sides as he let out a heavy sigh. With his little boy here in his arms, he felt like everything was falling back into place.

His world had shifted off its axis when he realized what he let himself would do to his family. He'd reflected on the missed games and the rushed dinners and the all-around neglect of his little family unit. Mostly, he'd reflected on how he'd let the boy who knew too much about falling into the shadows do just that.

"You know how Daddy's been really busy lately?"

"Yeah," Niall's voice was meek and quiet. It was clear that he hadn't been oblivious to the shift in the dynamics of the household over the past few months. It was clear that he'd been more observant that Liam had.

"Well, that wasn't nice of me. I know I did some things that hurt you and your brothers and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Liam's voice cracked. He heaved in a shaky breath, feeling the air rattling inside him as if his insides had been cleaned out and there was nothing there anymore. "I'm sorry, Roo. I won't let it happen again. I won't hurt you boys like that. I swear."

Niall had sat silent the whole time, but now, with Liam shuddering out wet sobs, he squirmed around until his knees were jabbing into Liam's stomach. He reached his tiny hands out, pressing them under his Daddy's eyes and tenderly wiping at his tears the way Liam had done for him so many times before. "Promise?"

Liam tried to say yes, but the only thing he could manage was some sort of whimper and a nod.

"Okay. I forgive you, Daddy. But, you can't leave me again. I miss you too much and it makes me feel sick."

Liam pulled Niall in, crushing him in a hug against his chest because his sons were much too young and much too innocent to see that what he'd done was unforgivable in every way. He wasn't going to take advantage of their forgiving nature. He knew that he couldn't erase the last few months with an apology and a cuddle. It was going to take much more than that. For now, though, he just held his boy in his arms, savoring the security of having a little universe on his lap and wondering how he'd managed to let go of him in the first place.

* * *

Breakfast didn't seem to care that Liam was already emotionally exhausted, because even though he was willing to ignore the elephant in the room, his kids weren't.

"Daddy?" Louis's high pitched, childish voice sent a cold chill shooting through Liam, targeting his chest. "When's Papa coming home?"

Zayn had been gone the whole weekend and it was now Monday morning and he was still nowhere to be seen. Liam had been too proud to call the first day, but when the boys had started for asking for their Papa, he'd put his own ego aside. But it was to no avail, because Zayn wasn't answering any of his calls.

Liam looked over his son's faces. From Niall who looked guilty and Liam knew he'd been blaming himself for Zayn's absence, to Harry who looked lost and alone, helpless and clueless – too innocent to understand the pain he was feeling. Then to Louis who had been the one nominated to pose the question, sitting there with a conflicted look on his face, holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. Louis was brave enough to put his worries aside for his brothers' benefit, but insecure enough to struggle with Zayn's abandonment.

"I don't know, baby." Liam dished out the pancakes, ensuring that each boy had food. He'd learned the hard way that one particular person — Niall — would not badger him for food if he forgot to check. "But I don't want you worrying about it. He's okay."

Harry was chewing on his pancake, face sober with no appetite, "Can we call him?"

"I wish we could. I'm sorry that this is happening and I know you're all scared and confused," Liam ran a hand down his tired face, "But I want you to know that until he comes home, I'll still be here. I'm not leaving, okay. You don't have to worry about that."

"Promise, Daddy?" Niall squeaked, voice tight and timid.

Liam took in a deep breath, the hopeful yet fearful expressions on his sons' faces breaking his heart. "Promise. With all I've got."

* * *

Liam dropped the boys off to school, watching them go. His mind was in turmoil; he still didn't understand how he'd managed to forget about the needs of his youngest son. He would have thought that coming to terms with their issues and finding a way to reorganize their busy lives so that such an incident could never occur again would have been his main priority. But it wasn't.

His sons didn't care what he did. He could ignore them, just feed them and drop them to school, and they wouldn't complain. They were all much too worried about Zayn. They'd never been away from their parents before and their pasts of losing previous parents didn't help with anxiety over their father's absence. Liam wished that he could take the pain and uncertainty away from them, but he couldn't. They wouldn't relax until they had their Papa back.

So, Liam took the day off work. His regret over how he'd treated his family ever since his promotion becoming increasingly concrete when his boss was genuinely surprised that he'd even _consider_ leaving work for a couple of hours. He spent the entire day searching for his husband and when this proved fruitless, he put his efforts elsewhere.

* * *

Liam was at the school fifteen minutes before the bell rang to dismiss classes and he'll never forget the look on Louis and Harry's faces when they skipped out of school to see their Daddy standing there, waiting for them. They didn't mind taking the bus – it was actually quite fun and an adventure for the young boys. However, it was a treat to have something special once in a while.

"Daddy!" Harry ran to him, Louis hot on his heels.

"Hello, bub," Liam scooped him up, throwing him a little into the air and grinning at the shriek the curly haired boy gave.

"Does this mean no bus?" Louis asked, smiling just as wide and face lit up excitement.

"That's right," Liam confirmed. "We just have to wait for Niall to come out and then we'll go for pizza. Does that sound good?"

"Yes!" the two boys were enthusiastic and began jabbering on about which pizzeria they wanted.

However, Liam soon grew worried when ten minutes had passed at the youngest boy was nowhere to be seen. "You boys think you can wait in the car while I go in and get Niall?"

"No, Daddy. I'll do it," Louis jumped into action, refusing his father's offer.

"No, Louis." This was the trend that had started up ever since Liam had begun taking back on his role as a father. He'd try to do something for Niall or Harry, Louis would insist on doing it himself and the two would squabble over who was more capable of doing the job. Unfortunately, lately Louis had the upper hand.

"Daddy, adults aren't allowed in the school without a pass," Louis said, smirk and all.

"I'm fully aware of that. I know that you've been having to look after Haz and Ni all this time, but you don't have to anymore. Take Haz and wait in the car. I'll be back soon." Liam said, racked with remorse because this was never supposed to be a conversation he had with his kid.

Louis grumbled under his breath, stomped his little foot, but obeyed. Once the two brothers were sitting in the car, Liam took off into the school. It was Zayn's job to pick Niall up so he had no idea where to look and though most of the kids had left already so it wasn't too crowded, he still didn't see his son. Liam stopped at the office to get a pass before venturing towards Niall's classroom.

Meanwhile, Niall had his hands flailing, trying to shove Ben away. The six year old had him pinned up to the wall, hands tight in his hair. "Please! It hurts!"

Ben had seen this on TV, though, so he just gave a smug look. "No. You're just weak."

"Ben, he's gonna cry. Maybe you should stop," Mason piped up because Niall was much smaller than all of their classmates and while he didn't mind taunting him sometimes, Mason didn't want to actually hurt Niall. Ben shot his twin a look that had him shutting his mouth, though, sending Niall an apologetic glance.

Ben turned his attention back to Niall, tugging harder on his hair. He didn't know that Niall's scalp was already sensitive, patches missing and damaged because of his abusive parents' assault. He'd been nearly bald when he'd been taken from his parents. His scalp had mostly healed but every tug Ben gave erased some progress and by this point, Niall felt like his skin was going to come off.

"Hey! What's going on here?" a loud, male voice bellowed down the hallway, causing Ben to release his hold on Niall.

The three boys turned to see Liam storming towards them, face red and nostrils flared. "Who the _hell_ told you that you could touch my son?"

Ben just blinked owlishly up at him, mouth hanging open. Liam was a big man with broad shoulders and strapping limbs. Ben looked him up at down before meeting his twin's gaze, turning on his heels and running away. Mason followed behind him, looking even more terrified than his brother.

Liam ignored them in favour of crouching down to pull Niall into his arms, immediately concerned with how stiff he was in his embrace. "Niall? What was that? Who were those boys?"

"Nothin'," Niall mumbled against Liam's shoulder, shrugging away as soon as he could.

"No, Niall. That was something. Those boys were hurting you."

What Niall did next pained Liam to such an extent that he wished that his heart would stop feeling. He couldn't take it anymore. Not when Niall was obviously uncomfortable, refusing to meet Liam's gave and not acknowledging that he was hurt. He hadn't seen Niall like this since the first few months after they had adopted him.

"Do those boys hurt you often?"

"No, daddy. They're my friends," Niall lied. Liam knew he was only giving the answer that he thought would arise the least conflict.

"Niall. I know you're not telling the truth," Liam sighed, a statement that had Niall's eyes widening in panic. "That boy was pulling your hair."

"Was a game," Niall stuck to his lie.

Liam sucked in a heavy breath, "I don't think that was what was happening. But, you know it hurts when people touch your hair. I don't want you playing games like that. If I see it happening again, I'm going to have to talk to your teacher."

Niall nodded, looking like he'd just let go of the weight of the sky now that Liam wasn't prodding for answers. "Yes, daddy."

"Now, come on. Let's go to the car," Liam gave his son a gentle smile, hoping to raise his spirits, "I was thinking we could go get pizza."

Luckily, Niall's interest was piqued. He let an excited grin onto his pink lips, practically skipping along to the car.

* * *

The next issue Liam faced was placing the orders. It wasn't an issue – more a resurfacing of old behaviors.

"What do you want on your pizzas?" Liam had decided to treat them to their own personal mini-pizzas. It was only a couple bucks more and the price was well worth their extreme glee.

Louis rushed to give his request first, Harry following his lead. Liam turned to Niall, waiting for him to tell him what he wanted. However, Niall's initial delight had been replaced with dread. He was too afraid that he'd pick the wrong thing and end up with Liam being upset. He was so, so happy that his Daddy had started to include him again, but with the thrill of feeling wanted came the extreme pressure to be good enough. He just didn't want to mess this up. Not again.

"Ni?" Louis picked up on Niall's hesitation, becoming concerned and hovering over his brother.

"I dunno. Daddy can pick," Niall responded, his voice tiny and meek, offering his submission. He'd tasted what it felt like to be loved by Liam. He knew the warm, honey-like feeling of his hugs and the way his Daddy could make anything fun and exciting. He's lost it before and he was willing to do anything to keep it now that Liam had decided he wanted him again.

Liam immediately knew what he was doing. He'd witnessed Niall doing it at the orphanage, doing it when they'd just brought him home, even after being adopted. He'd been to the therapy sessions. He's seen his son crying in relief and disbelief that he had a family that cared about him and _would_ care about him, faults and all. "No, baby. You pick. Whatever you want."

Niall squirmed around, not having expected Liam to pursue it. Louis jumped in. He didn't like the way Niall was sinking in on himself, trying to pretend like he didn't exist. "Here, Nialler. I'll help you."

"No, Louis," Liam interrupted his oldest son who had started pulling Niall's menu from him. "Niall, you take your time. Think about it and the lady can come back for your order in a little while."

Liam eyed the waitress who was a young girl, eyes bright and cheerful, looking too patient, "Is that okay?"

"Oh!" her voice was bubbly and cheerful. "Of course. I'll be back with your drinks and he can tell me then."

When she was gone, Liam was faced with an elusive Harry, trying to ignore the tension at the table, an angry Louis who was outright glaring at him for forcing Niall to order on his own, and Niall, who was looking a few steps from tears.

"Roo? Baby?" Liam had Niall's attention immediately. "I'm not doing this to embarrass you," Liam said first because Niall had to know that. "I'm doing this because I want you to be happy. I know that I've made it seem like I don't love you recently, but I do, baby. So much. Nothing you do will ever make me treat you like that again. I don't care what you want on your pizza, once it's what you want."

"That goes to you two boys too," Liam said when he met Harry and Louis' wide eyes. He would never allow himself to sink to that level again.

Harry nodded. Louis whispered a quiet, "Okay, daddy."

Niall flipped open his menu once again, squinting at the words and trying to piece the letters together with his six year old vocabulary. With shaking hands and a white-knuckled grip on the menu, he chanced a look up at Liam. "Can I get mushrooms an' chicken?"

Liam looked at his son and he knew how hard this was for him. He knew that to Niall, this was the equivalent of setting himself to be punished and thrown to the side. And Liam was so proud of him. "Of course, baby."


	11. .ten.

"Harry?" Niall's voice was a whisper, his hand pressed up under his chin, the stuffed elephant clutched in his hand muffling his words.

The small lump on the floor shifted and for a brief moment, Niall wondered if Harry had fallen asleep. However when his brother's voice sliced through the silence with a, "Yes, Niall," he knew that hadn't been the case. Harry's voice was nowhere near sleepy.

"Is Lou gonna come back?"

The sigh Harry let out was the only answer he received.

"Can we cuddle? Please? I can't sleep?"

Harry hesitated, shifting around in the sleeping bag Liam had set up for him so he could sleep in the play room with Niall. "You want to come here?"

"No, you can come by me. I don't like being alone. It's scary," Niall understood why Harry seemed confused; he never invited anyone into his little space under the window. But on a night like this, when it felt like the rest of his life depended on what he'd see through the glass, he didn't want to face it without his brother.

Harry scrambled up, grabbing his blankets and his pillow and tugging it over until he was pressed up against Niall before flopping down on the floor. He tucked his warm, fuzzy blanket over Niall's and hugged his little brother to his chest. Louis wasn't here to help right now, and Harry was well aware that he was no replacement for the oldest brother, but if there was one thing the curly haired boy was good at, it was cuddles.

Niall easily went into his embrace and the two brothers blinked blearily out the window, crossed fingers hidden under the blankets. Niall tucked his head up against Harry's throat, not leaving any distance between them. He couldn't; not when he felt like Harry might slip out of his arms and disappear.

Niall didn't even understand where Louis had gone. His life had just started getting better again. He'd honestly given up on his parents before; Louis and Harry were enough. They made him happy and feel safe and wanted and that's all he needed. He'd missed his Daddy's warm smile and his hugs and he'd missed his Papa's stories and his tickles and mostly he'd missed feeling like one of the most important people in the world whenever they looked at him because he knew that they could adopt any child they wanted – and they'd picked him. He'd missed all of that, but he'd been willing to forgive them the first time his Papa apologized, so he didn't understand why nothing was working out now.

His Papa had disappeared and his Daddy was being so nice. He was calling him 'Roo' again and he'd cuddled him and fed him and kissed him and he'd even saved him from Ben and Mason. Niall really enjoyed being picked up from school on time so when his Daddy had come for him on time for the second day in a row, Niall had rushed into his arms, laughing and squirming in the hug he gave, beaming proudly at his classmates.

However, when Harry had come out without Louis, Liam's mood had dropped and Niall couldn't make sense of what had happened next. His Daddy had told Harry to take him to the car as he rushed into the school, his brows pinched together much like he'd looked yesterday when he'd found Ben pulling his hair.

Niall had gone with Harry, not worried or concerned – totally and completely trusting his Daddy to come back with Louis. However, not even five minutes later, Liam came running back to the car, eyes blown wide and searching frantically, only calming down when he'd confirmed that he had sight of Niall and Harry. His Daddy had explained then that Papa had taken Louis home today and they'd have to wait to see Louis. And that, no, phone calls were not something that could happen.

The boys were oblivious to Liam, leaned against the door frame and watching over his children – well, the ones he'd managed to get home. He was beyond worried; he was petrified. Sure, Zayn was also their father and he trusted him with their sons, but he hadn't seen him or heard from him since Saturday and now it was Tuesday and his son was missing. Zayn had taken Louis from school without consulting him or even bringing him home and he still wasn't answering his phone. Hell, if the school didn't have a log, he wouldn't have known that Louis was with him. The most concerning thing was that Liam was scared that Zayn had been drinking. He had been sober for years now. Liam had been there taking him to his AA meeting and coaching him when he was desperate for the liquid so many years ago. He'd seen Zayn at his worst and he'd hate to think that he'd erased all that progress over their mistakes with Niall. Mostly, he was terrified that Louis might be with Zayn when he was in such a state.

"Daddy?" Harry's sweet voice rang out, pulling Liam from his thoughts.

"Mhm," Liam murmured, his throat tight and uncomfortable. He didn't know how he was going to fix this family on his own. He needed Zayn to be here, helping him.

"I miss Lou," Harry basically whimpered. Liam could see Niall trying to hide away in Harry's side, not wanting to be engaged such a controversial topic – there was too much opportunity for something wrong to be said – and he knew the boy would rather remain silent than express that he also missed his brother.

"I know, bud. Me too. But Papa's got him so he's safe. He's probably sleeping. It's almost midnight. You two should try to get some sleep too. You've got school tomorrow," Liam wouldn't send them to school tomorrow if they were too sleepy, but still. They needed their sleep.

"You promise he's safe?" Harry asked.

Liam swallowed. There was no way he could know if Louis was safe. As he was debating whether or not he should lie, there was a flash of light. Niall jumped up, pressing his torso against the window and by the time Liam had rushed over to join him, there were two lights – headlights – staring at him from the driveway.

It was Zayn's car. Liam closed his eyes, not sure if he could handle what he might see. He only opened them when Niall's small, screechy voice was yelling in excitement, "Is Lou! Lou's here. Hazza come see."

Niall grabbed onto Harry's hand, the two boys running to the front door, eager to greet their brother. Liam, though, he stayed by the window because something was wrong. He could only make out their silhouettes in the dark, but Louis was refusing to get near to Zayn and when the car door closed with a noise, Liam's heart dropped to his stomach because Louis had flinched. His oldest son who, unlike Niall, had no reason to fear loud noises or sudden movements. He'd never been exposed to the searing pain of something lashing on his skin or the harsh way words could make you feel like there was no reason to keep going. At least, he hadn't until today.

Liam stayed in the living room, his hands curling into fists when Niall and Harry's squeals quickly died down because Louis wasn't making any noises. Liam heard Zayn whispering to the boys, "Lou's just sleepy. Go off to bed now, we need to take to Daddy."

When the soft patter of reluctant steps faded to silence, Zayn finally rounded the corner, his hand on Louis' shoulder, moving him forward while the ten year old dragged his feet. Behind him, Liam could see a tuft of blonde hair poking into the room by the doorway. A shift and a squirm and soon, there were messy curls too. Obviously, Niall and Harry didn't listen to Zayn. Liam didn't have the heart to scold them, though. He didn't expect them to leave Louis's side after what had happened. They'd be exhibiting some separation anxiety for a little while.

"Li," Zayn's voice was shaky and in the dim light, Liam saw a flash of his eyes – shining with tears.

"No," Liam cut him off. He looked down at Louis first, "Come here, baby."

Louis tore out of Zayn's grip, stumbling into Liam's outstretched arms, face planting into his chest. He let out a strangled sob, Liam rubbing at his back. "Oh, baby. It's okay. Daddy's got you. It's not going to happen again. I won't let it. I promise. It's alright. I promise. I'm sorry."

Louis just wept into his arms. Liam held him, looking up in time to see Niall edging towards him hesitantly – as though he was afraid he'd get yelled at instead of coddled. Liam nodded at him in approval and soon, Niall had wiggled into Louis' arms, Harry right behind him. Even though Harry was younger, he was still taller than Louis, which proved to come in handy as he pulled his brother in for a hug. Liam stood up straight as Niall began dabbing at Louis' wet cheeks and Harry took to cooing in his ear.

"What did you do?" Liam's voice was colder than he'd intended as he faced his husband.

"I'm sorry," Zayn choked out.

"I don't want to hear that bullshit. You left. You didn't call. You took my kid and he's freaking out now. What the bloody hell did you do?" Liam didn't have the constraint to mind his language. He was just too angry.

"I-I was drinking."

Liam sucked in a breath. He felt as though Zayn had just punched him. "Did you, um, did you hit him?" He didn't know if he even wanted the answer to that.

"No!" Zayn looked taken back. As if he couldn't believe that Liam would even consider that. "I took him to visit my mother. You that only two visitors are allowed at a time and I thought it would be nice for Louis to meet her. I thought I could just stop her if anything happened."

Liam felt his mind cloud because ' _was Zayn being serious_ _?'_. It made sense now and he could only imagine how Louis was feeling. Dementia had snuck up on Tricia Malik and by the time Zayn and Liam had adopted their first kid, she was no longer the person she once was. Some of the time, she'd be like the lady Liam had come to know and respect. She was loving and thoughtful. Her voice was always soft and her lips were always curved in a warm smile. However, her mood swings caused her to be angry and mean, saying and doing things that never fit her true self. Liam understood how painful it was for Zayn to watch his mother disappear before his eyes, having her in his reach but not being able to save her from herself and the sickness that had taken over her thoughts.

That's why he'd offered to let Tricia stay with them, Zayn staying home to mind his mother while Liam went to work to earn the money for the bills. However, with a child in the house, Liam had to draw the line. Tricia would not be able to be around their baby if they intended to keep him safe and happy.

Zayn had cried for days, but the Home they'd found for Tricia was nearby and visitors were always welcomed and his mother was okay, not noticing the difference most of the time. They made an agreement that boys were never supposed to meet her. It would be too traumatic for them. They'd seen Tricia in pictures and heard stories from Zayn. Liam and Zayn had even explained to them why they could never see her. That's why Liam couldn't understand why Zayn had gone against his wishes and taken Louis to see her.

"Zayn, what the hell. How could you?"

"I'm sorry, Liam. I was drunk at first and then I was hungover and I wasn't thinking clearly. I just wanted my mum because our family is falling apart and I thought that this might help that. But it didn't. And I'm sorry."

Liam looked down, catching Niall's eye. The small boy was holding his older brother in his arms, looking at Liam with such worry and confusion. He didn't understand why Louis was sad and why he flinched when someone's voice raised to high. Liam saw the gears turning in his head until he realized that all these traits matched up with his own behaviour. Liam knew the moment Niall realized that someone had been screaming at Louis and had maybe even hit him. The way his face went stiff, his eyes holding anger that Liam thought should never belong in his young son's mind was the tipping point for Liam.

"Zayn, I think you need to stay away from me for a while. I can't look at you right now."

Zayn's mouth fell open, but no words came out. Liam ignored him, leaving him as he bent down to pick Niall up, holding the boy on his hip as he grabbed Louis' hand. Harry looked back at his Papa, not really understanding what was happening, but as his Daddy left the room with Niall and Louis, he knew where he had to be.

The eight year old slowly edged his way towards his Papa, hesitantly opening his arms for a hug. Zayn let out a sob, holding his son his, dropping a kiss into his hair. Harry whispered, "Good night, Papa. 'M glad you came back. Missed you," before shrugging out of the hug and scurrying off towards his brothers.

Meanwhile, Liam took Niall to bed, tucking him in and kissing him goodnight, ensuring to shower him in love despite Louis standing stoically at the door. He repeated the same with Harry.

Once the two younger ones were in bed, Liam took Louis to the bathroom. He took his eyes off Louis for a minute to run the bath, almost falling over when he turned to find the bathroom empty.

He felt the same, horrid spike of panic in his stomach that he'd felt earlier when he couldn't find Louis. He rushed out, his first thought being to check that Zayn hadn't stolen him again. However, as soon as he left the bathroom, he could see Niall's door ajar. As he neared his room, Liam could hear whispers inside and he knew that Louis was there.

Peeking in, Liam felt his heart melt into goo. Louis was curled up, tucked under Niall's short arms. His face was pressed against the younger's chest, listening to the quiet words falling from Niall's lips.

Niall stopped talking when he saw Liam, shaking Louis softly until his brother was aware of their Daddy's presence.

"Louis, a bath is going to make you feel better," Liam said, it was true, but Liam also needed to get Louis out of his clothes to ensure that there were no bruises lying under the cloth.

"I wanna stay with Ni," Louis said, clinging onto his brother tighter.

"Is okay, Daddy. 'M not sleepy. I'll come," Niall volunteered, not minding how much Louis was squeezing his middle. This was his brother, the one who'd been there for him when not even the people who'd sworn they would be. He'd never hit him or yelled at him. Louis had never left him in time out for hours at a time and never made him feel unwanted. Louis was everything he needed him to be and Niall intended to be the same for his brother.

Liam looked at Niall's stubborn little face before sighing in resolve and getting the two boys into the bathroom.

Niall plopped down on the ground at first, so Liam put the lid down on the toilet and let him sit there instead. Louis looked hesitant to move away from Niall, even it was just a few feet.

"Lou, baby? Can you get out of your clothes and into the bath?" Liam tried to be nonchalant, busying himself with the towels.

"Where's Harry?" was Louis' only response.

"Sleepin'," Niall murmured, leaning back with his eyes half closed, looking two blinks away from being asleep.

Louis accepted his answer, looking over his brother before shrugging his pants off. Liam held back the gasp that threatened to burst from his lips when Louis removed his shirt, revealing a purplish ring of a bruise around the top of his left arm. Someone had grabbed him way too hard.

Niall didn't feel the need to keep his composure, rushing to his brother, and grabbing his arm. He'd seen bruises like these before. He'd felt them on his skin, achy and heavy on his limbs so that he didn't want to move. He'd thought he'd left that behind when he'd been taken from his old parents.

"Daddy! Someone's hurt him," Niall cried out, voice tinny with fear and utter concern.

Louis looked ashamed, pulling away from Niall's hold, leaving the younger boy looking at him like he was going to cry.

Liam stepped in, "I know, hun. Do you remember when we told you about Papa's mommy?"

Niall nodded. Louis toed at the ground silently.

"Well, today, Louis went to see her. She's sick. Remember how I told you? So she really didn't mean to hurt Louis."

"But Daddy, Lou's arm is hurt. She can't do that. Why didn't Papa tell her no?" Niall was confused. He didn't think that his Papa would let anyone hurt Louis. But he had. Niall couldn't understand how.

"Papa did, Ni," Louis finally spoke up, glancing briefly at Liam. "As soon as she tried to hurt me, he took me away and yelled at her. He told her not to do it again and then we left."

Niall was still lost. His eyes were wide. Sleepy and red. It was late and yet still here he was, trying to understand why Louis had a bruise on his hand.

"She's really sorry for what she did, Niall. And she's not going to do it again. I promise," Liam assured, leaning forward to kiss Niall's forehead before lifting him back to sit.

He helped Louis into the tub, washing his down, being very careful around his arm.

"Papa was really sad," Louis confessed, his eyes trained behind Liam's shoulder.

Liam followed his gaze to see Niall was fast asleep now, curled up on the toilet with his hand under his cheek as a pillow.

"He cried a lot and he said sorry lots of times. But it wasn't he fault, Daddy. He didn't hurt me. His mommy did."

"I know that. But she didn't mean to and your Papa's just sorry that it happened."

"So you forgive him?"

Liam knew then that he'd been listening to his conversation with Zayn. He really had to be careful about what he said when the kids were around. For the sake of his son's peace of mind, he lied, "Of course, baby."

Once Louis was cleaned, he got the boy out, drying him and dressing him in pajamas before picking Niall up. Niall clung onto him like a koala, resting his head on his shoulder as he slept.

"Daddy? Can I sleep you your bed tonight?" Louis asked, grabbing onto the hand that Liam wasn't using to hold Niall up.

Liam knew that Zayn would be sleeping on the couch so he nodded, earning a grin from the ten year old.

"Oh, and Niall too?" Louis looked shy then, hesitant to admit to his Daddy that he wanted his little brother with him.

Liam would do anything to get him to smile again so he agreed. With Niall and Louis tucked in on either side of his, Harry asleep in his room and Zayn back home, he felt hopeful that they would be alright.


	12. .eleven.

Niall had his little backpack on his bed, stuffing the clothes he thought he'd need for the weekend into it. He found it strange that Louis Harry hadn't gotten their stuff packed up, but he didn't dwell too much on it. Usually, his Daddy or Papa would organize their things for the weekend, but neither of them had so Niall just assumed they'd forgotten.

Niall has just finished squeezing his stuffed elephant into the over-packed bag when the door opened. Niall didn't bother looking up, too busy trying to get the zipper to close. Liam let himself in, laundry balanced in his hand. He paused when he saw Niall, brows bent in confusion. He swept over any possibilities as to why his son would have to need to cram what looked like weeks' worth of clothes into a backpack, sighing when he thought he knew what this was about.

"What are you doing?" Liam asked, shutting the door behind him, having a feeling where this conversation was going and wanting to keep it just between Niall and himself.

"Packin', Daddy. Uncle Ed's gonna be here soon." Niall answered, puzzled as to why his Daddy didn't already know that. They always went to Uncle Ed's on Saturday morning. Why else would he need to pack his things?

Liam let a heavy breath out, rubbing his hand over his face. He was so tired and everything kept piling up. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. "You're not going to Ed's this weekend. You're staying home with me and Papa."

Niall's face fell and his eyes grew wide and panicked. "No! I wanna see Ashy!"

"You don't need to go there anymore. Papa and I are going to take care of you all the time. We promise." Liam and Zayn had decided that they weren't going to send the boys off for the weekend anymore. Partly because they had no reason not to now that Liam refused to visit Tricia again. Their visits to her were the main reason they didn't keep the boys during the weekend. They were also keeping the boys home because they were both afraid that Ed or Ashton would realize what they had done and take Niall away from them.

Niall's eyes filled up with tears and his cheeks grew pink in frustration. "B-But I always see Ashy." Ashton was special to him. Unlike Louis, he was older and he knew more. He always knew what to say and Niall felt important when he was with the teenager. In some ways, Niall saw him as another parent. A person he could go to whenever he wanted, even when his own Daddy and Papa weren't paying him any attention.

"I'm sure they'll visit sometimes. For now, though, unpack your bag. Papa's got to go to the doctor. We can't be late." That was sort of a lie. Since Zayn had confessed that he'd been drinking again, Liam had enrolled him in a support group. The first meeting was today. Liam didn't trust him to go without some pushing. It wasn't like he could just leave the kids at home, so the entire family had to go to drop Zayn off. To spare his husband any uncomfortable questions, Liam had decided to alter the truth a little.

Niall pouted, upset and fussy. He didn't care about a stupid doctor's appointment. He cared about Ashton and all he had to tell him. He'd never thought that his Daddy would take Ashton from him. Part of Niall wondered if his Daddy was even allowed to do that.

"Niall," Liam warned when the boy made no move to obey, voice serious and stern. He really didn't have the time to deal with a stubborn child. There was no point in arguing with Niall over what had already been decided.

Niall let his shoulders sag in defeat and nodded shortly, pulling his elephant from him bag, refusing to look at Liam anymore. There was a hot, uncomfortable feeling building in his chest. He didn't feel sad anymore. He'd felt confused and scared and also a little guilty before. He'd felt like it was his fault that his Daddy and Papa didn't like him, that Ben and Mason were mean and that no one really seemed to like him. But that shame wasn't there anymore. No, instead he felt angry. He was hot and huffy because he'd done nothing wrong. He'd been good for Liam and yet still he was being punished in one of the worst ways imaginable. He'd done nothing to deserve Ashton being taken away, and yet still his Daddy and Papa had done just that.

* * *

With all his responsibilities with getting Zayn sober again, trying to get enough hours in at work to keep his job and being there for his kids, Liam was beginning to feel burnt out. Zayn could see it on his face. He felt Liam's stress in the empty space between them that didn't seem to go away since he'd come home. Worse yet, Zayn didn't only understand where Liam's stress was coming from, he was feeling it too.

He didn't know where to go. He knew that changes needed to be made; he just didn't know what they were or how to make them. He was lost and there was no one he would go to for help without getting in trouble. But Louis was becoming more hyper and suffocating with his constant need to watch over Niall and Harry. Harry was slowly receding into the background, doing what he felt middle children did, and becoming invisible. Zayn could hardly get a word out of him anymore.

Niall was the worst. He was flinching at them again. It broke Zayn's heart every time and he knew that it had been going on for quite some time, he was only just now noticing it. Niall was timid and shy – he'd always been that way. However, the trust that they'd worked so hard to gain was gone.

Zayn could only hope that thing would start falling into place soon.

•

Monday morning, the three brothers found themselves, once again, hiding out in Louis' room. Niall could feel Louis' breath against his ear, coming steadily and heavy. He squirmed around, just enough so that he could see Harry, ensuring that Louis' arms were still wrapped around him. Niall shut his eyes when the god-awful sound of his Papa's shrill screaming pierced the air. 

"Lou, I don't like it," Niall whined, his mouth pressed up against Louis' chest, trying to escape the loud words echoing through the house.

"Me neither," Harry added, sitting crisscrossed on the ground at the foot of the bed.

"I know, but Daddy's gonna make Papa stop soon. So it won't be for long." Louis tried to comfort his brothers.

Neither of them responded. Instead, their attention was drawn by another voice joining in the screaming. Liam's voice was deeper and stronger and when he shouted, it felt like the whole house was shaking. The boys had grown accustomed to Zayn scolding them over the years – he was always more vocal than Liam was. However, Liam had said all he needed to with his eyes. Whether he was proud, disappointed or angry, his kids knew exactly what he meant without him having to say a word. For that reason, it was especially rattling to hear their Daddy yelling at their Papa right outside their bedroom door.

The screaming match continued on, Louis ending up with a lap full of both his brothers soon enough, shaking and flinching in his arms. "It's okay. They're not going to hurt anyone. They're just angry."

Niall looked up at him, eyes shining with betrayal. He didn't understand why Louis would lie to him. He knew that when daddies and mommies fought like this, the only thing that ever followed was strong hands on his skin and glass being shattered on the ground. He's seen it happen first hand and there was nothing Louis could say to convince him otherwise.

Louis was in tune with Niall's thoughts, grabbing on to him just a little tighter, feeling his skinny frame trembling. "I promise that Daddy and Papa aren't going to hurt you. They're not like that."

"B-But my daddy and mommy did it before, Lou. An' is scary. I don't like to feel hurt," Niall's voice was shaky and soft, stuck in his throat. He hadn't thought he'd ever be in a situation like this again.

Harry wrapped an arm around Niall's middle, pulling him closer. "You don't have to worry about that. Daddy and Papa aren't like that." The eight-year-old had complete confidence that his parents wouldn't hurt him. He had no reason to doubt them. Neither of them had ever laid a finger on them to bring them harm, and they had no intentions of doing so either.

Louis agreed with him, brushing his thumbs under Niall's watery eyes, wiping away the few tears that had dripped out. "I promise that you're not going to get hurt like that again."

Niall's bottom lip was wobbly and pouted. He grabbed Louis' hand, stopping his movement across his face. "Promise?"

Harry swooped in to plant a sweet kiss on Niall's chubby, soft cheek, "Promise. Right, Lou?"

Louis nodded, leaning in to place his own kiss down, "Right, Hazza. Promise."

The boys were startled by the door being pushed open. They huddled closer together as Liam peeked in, sliding into the room and shutting the door behind him as if he was trying to ensure that nothing from outside followed him in.

"Are you boys up for school today?" he asked, not surprised when his sons looked too eager and relieved to be getting out of the house. He worked on getting the kids out of the house, coaching them to ensure that they don't tell their teachers or friends about what has been going on at home. He packed their breakfast in some napkins and herded them into the car, ignoring Zayn curled up against the wall in the hallway.

Niall couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from his Papa, though. Louis was holding his hand tightly, trying to get him out of the house. However, when the blonde saw his Papa's shoulders shaking, he shrugged out of his brother's grip and slowly crept over to him.

"Niall, love. You don't have to worry about Papa. He's just a little upset. He'll be okay. Let's go to school," Liam called when he saw where Niall was going. It wasn't that he didn't want Niall with Zayn; he didn't know how the six-year-old would react to his Papa being so distraught. Instead of listening to Liam, Niall felt more encouraged to go over to his Papa. He was still angry that he didn't get to see Ashton and he hoped that this defiance would show Liam how upset he was.

Niall crept closer, placing his hand on Zayn's knee. Zayn lifted his face, hurrying to wipe the tears that had been collecting on his cheeks. He rubbed the end of his jersey on his face, managing a small smile for his son.

"Why are you crying?" Niall felt his heart beating fast in his chest. He didn't like seeing his Papa like this. It was painful.

"I'm just a little sad, Ni. It's okay. Daddy's going to help once you get to school," Zayn looked past Niall's shoulder, over to his other sons, "I'm fine. I promise. Nothing's wrong."

Niall nodded shortly, tipping forward to wrap his arms around Zayn's shoulders in a hug. "I love you, Papa." He planted a soft kiss on Zayn's forehead as he pulled away. He turned to go, never expecting a hug in return.

Zayn stopped him, pulling him into his chest, wrapping him up in a tight embrace and placing small kisses all over the side of his son's face. Niall giggled in delight, his cheeks turning a pink blush. It had been so long since he'd felt this warm and fuzzy and he was thoroughly enjoying it. Zayn held him a little longer, calling Louis and Harry over and kissing them goodbye before watching them leave.

As Niall left, he'd completely forgotten about the fighting going on at home. He only had the memory of the way it felt to be cuddled into his Papa's chest, his tee-shirt warm against his cheek and the bubbles in his tummy when he got kisses.


	13. .twelve.

Niall glared down at his copybook, his pencil unsteady in his sweaty grip. He couldn't believe that he'd forgotten about this weekly spelling test. With everything that had been going on, memorizing some words off a page hadn't been on his list of things to worry about. Now, though, sparing glances at his classmates who were diligently scribbling away, he was regretting that.

"Okay, class, the next word is _helpful_." Niall's teacher made sure to articulate the word properly and there was a flurry of movement as pencils moved across the paper. Niall frowned a little. He knew how to spell the word, but when he actually tried to write it down, it didn't work. None of his letters were cooperating and they didn't go where he wanted them to go. They just wouldn't and Niall was growing frustrated with every new word called out. By the time the papers were being collected, Niall was scrubbing roughly at his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay.

By the time school was dismissed, Niall was still upset about the test. It was made worse because he knew that he wouldn't even be able to ask Ashton to help him. There was no one for him to go to and he felt trapped. He didn't like to feel like this. It made his insides feel itchy and hot and he wished that it would just go away. So, when Ben grabbed him before he could flee to his Daddy's car, Niall had no patience. Niall pulled away from Ben's grip, glaring at him. Mason was lingering behind his brother, frowning at Niall.

"You're so stupid. I saw your spellings. There were so bad," Ben laughed.

Niall felt the back of his eyes grow warm and his vision began to go cloudy. "I'm not stupid."

Ben shoved Niall, "Are too."

For the first time ever, Niall retaliated. He was losing everything. Ashton was gone, his daddies were fighting and even Louis upset recently. He wasn't going to let Ben add to his troubles. He glared at Ben, puffing out his tiny chest and shoved Ben right back, "Am not."

Ben pushed Niall back, not caring that the latter was much smaller than he was, the force sending Niall falling backward onto his bum. Niall's cheeks pinked with shame and he scrambled back onto his feet, shoving Ben as hard as he could. Niall's tiny arms couldn't do much damage, yet still, Ben was backing away, his face scrunched up in panic. Niall stared at him in confusion, taking a tentative step towards Ben. What was wrong?

Ben's eyes were trained on something over his shoulder, so Niall tried to turn around, his heart rate speeding up. However, before he could, there was a grip on his shirt and suddenly, he was being lifted off the ground. Niall squeaked, flailing around.

"What the hell is this?"

Niall peered over his shoulder hesitantly, trembling as he saw the man who was holding him. The man was big and burly, lips set into a frown and looking so angry that his face was red. Niall didn't like this. It reminded him too much of his old daddy. His old daddy would always look like this and his voice was always this hard and cold and Niall didn't want to be around this man.

"Daddy, you're not supposed to be back here," Mason spoke up, his voice shaky. Niall locked eyes with him and he immediately knew just how mean this man was. He'd seen the look on Mason's face before – he'd worn it. Ben was the same, shielding his brother a little but avoiding talking to his father. Niall's blood rushed through his veins, making his head hurt. This man had hurt Ben and Mason the way his own daddy had hurt him before. The thought made him want to wriggle out of the man's grip, but he couldn't. The twin's father just gripped him firmer, ensuring that the six year old was properly trapped.

"I saw the kid push you. Ben? You let little wimps push you around?" the twin's father moved his hand, gripping at the back of Niall's neck instead, drawing a whimper from the boy.

Ben shook his head. "No," he whispered.

"You hear that?" the man growled, pressing his fingers hard into Niall's shoulders. "I don't want to hear you trying to push my kids around again? Got it?"

For his part, Niall was pretty unresponsive. His face had gone pale and his eyes were screwed shut. His little hands were curled into fists, his nails pressing crescent-shaped marks into his palm. His entire form was shaking and he was hardly breathing, doing his best to be as invisible as possible. He didn't want to repeat what had happened to him before. He couldn't let that happen – he couldn't.

The twin's father was frightened at Niall's reaction. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

When Niall didn't respond, he swore, returning the six year old to the ground. Niall proceeded to scramble away from him, huddling against the farthest wall with his knees drawn into his chest and his face hidden in his arms. The man swore again, grumbling about how this was going to get him in trouble before he grabbed his sons and left, fleeing before he could be caught, leaving Niall to deal with the mess.

Niall could feel his chest closing up. It was tight and every sob that burst through burned. He couldn't focus on that, though. Every time his eyes closed, he saw his old daddy, breath hot against his face, screaming at him. He felt his rough hands on him, hitting and squeezing. He heard the smack of skin on skin and limbs on the floor. He tried to open his eyes – to get the visions to go away – but he couldn't. His eyelids were heavy and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't escape it. He head was fuzzy, images white around the edges, only managing to produce memories that he's been working so hard to replace. The small boy wrapped his arms around himself tighter every time the images in his head scared him so badly that he wished he'd just pass out.

When he finally began to come back to himself, he was tired and thirsty. He felt like that time he'd been in the hospital and the nurse had taken a blood sample. His bones ached and he didn't want to move. He still had the whispers of his memories playing in his ears, but they were gone for the most part and that was enough to let him begin to relax. Niall began to walk through the breathing exercise Louis had taught him, counting his 'Mississippi's to regulate his breaths in and out. Then, when he was finally breathing enough to get his lungs to stop feeling like there was someone squeezing them, he tried to get rid of the anxiety. Louis had taught him one for that too. First, he had to look around for five things that were red. Then, four things that were blue. Three that were yellow. Two that were orange and finally, one that was green.

Niall always loved the last one. Green was his favourite colour. He felt his chest become even looser when his green thing came from his socks. Bright, green polka dots on his ankles, warming him up. The boy tried to push the thought of his father from his mind, thinking instead of Louis and Harry. He let himself remember Ashton as well, even though he was pretty sure he'd never see him again. He thought of his Daddy and Papa finding him at the orphanage and bringing him home and all the loved they'd given him. He soothed himself with their apologies and their promises to be better for him now. With that, Niall stood up on achy, shaky limbs and semi toddled out of school, crawling into his Daddy's car. He dismissed Liam's worried questions about why he hadn't been out on time, cuddling into Louis' side. Louis let him be, welcoming him into his warmth. With his brother's arm wrapped around him, Harry's knee knocking against his own, his Daddy being there to pick him up from school on time and his Papa waiting at home for them all to return, Niall felt safe again.

* * *

The nightmares started that night. Niall was asleep, curled up on his bed, safe with Zayn and Liam. He was supposed to be sleeping peacefully. However, he couldn't. How could he when his dreams were filled with his old parents?

Niall kept seeing the events that had happened that day, but with one major, difference. Instead of Ben and Mason's father walking in at school, it was his own father. The man that he'd had to be taken from was holding him, shaking him around and pressing his rough fingers into his soft skin. It was too familiar, to easy to remember for Niall. He could hear his screams and crying in the school hallway, begging to get away again.

Niall awoke with a start, sweaty and heart racing. His skin was crawling and his breath was short. His nightmares of his old parents had stopped when he'd been adopted by Zayn and Liam and he really wasn't prepared to face them again. He pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his skinny legs, trembling on his bed. He froze when his pants, wet and squishy, pressed against his dry skin. His squeezed his eyes shut when his hands brushed up against his wet sheets. He felt sick. He couldn't believe that he'd wet the bed.

This sort of this would get him punished back at his old house and even the people at the orphanage had found it to be a chore to clean up after a bedwetting five year old. He'd never had an accident like this at Zayn and Liam's house, and with his old memories still fresh in his mind, Niall didn't want to risk it. He couldn't handle them turning into his old family.

With watery eyes, Niall shakily climbed out of bed, turning the light on. The soft glow of his night light had hidden the true damage to his bed. There was a large, dark patch in the centre of his bed, and drops of his pee on the floor, landing there when he'd gotten out of bed. Niall felt his eyes grow itchy, not bothering got stop the tears as they clouded his vision and spilled down his cheeks.

He wanted to go to Louis. He wanted his brother to help him – to fix this. But he knew he couldn't. Louis was one of the best people in his life and he wasn't going to risk his relationship with him over some messed sheets.

Niall stripped the bed, shoving his soiled sheets into his closet, throwing his messy pajama bottoms in as well. He wiggled his toes around in his socks, trying to decide if they were too wet to keep. The squelch that resulted pulled a sob from his chest. He pulled them off, fingers squeezing the horrible smelling liquid from the socks before throwing it into his closet and shutting the door.

Niall then braved the trip into the dark hallway, seeking out the cupboard his parent kept with extra sheets. It was scary and the shadows had his heart thundering away in his chest, but nothing was scarier to the little boy than the idea of Zayn and Liam getting angry with him about his sheets. He hurried back to his room with new sheets, shutting the door. He messily made his bed, struggling with his short arms to get everything to fit. He butchered the job, but it looked good enough.

Niall crawled into bed then, skin still sticky with pee and his eyes red and swollen. He left the light on, not wanting to be alone in the dark after all he'd been through. He was more than relieved to find his stuffed elephant dry on the floor, probably having fallen off during the night. Niall clutched the toy to his chest, still trembling and hiccupping little sobs. He couldn't sleep, but his chest felt looser now that his secret was safe.

At least he could have tomorrow with his daddies. His daddies who loved him and liked him and never hit him. He'd have his brothers who loved him and cared for him. He'd have his little family as long as those sheets stayed hidden away. With that thought, Niall curled up into a tiny ball, refusing to fall asleep. He would not risk wetting be bed – not again.


	14. .thirteen.

Liam could finally relax. He felt like it had been so long since he'd last been able to just breathe. To be comfortable without the crushing weight of how he'd treated Niall sitting on his chest. It had really only been about a month since he'd come to terms with the neglect they'd shown their youngest son, and Liam didn't think he'd ever be able to forgive himself or Zayn for letting Niall slip under the radar, but he had been working at it. With every small smile Niall sent him, with every hesitant request, Liam felt part of the wall he'd let build up between himself and his son fall.

Liam had been cutting back on his working hours, finding that the world wouldn't stop spinning if he didn't bring home spreadsheets to plan out. His colleagues were more than surprised at first, but now, weeks later, Liam couldn't imagine how he'd ever handled the previous workload he'd set for himself. With more time on his hands, he was able to pick the boys up after school and take them out to their favourite restaurants and stores.

He'd also had more time to spend with the boys at home. Granted, with the whole relapsing alcoholism looming over their heads and the fact that Zayn had taken Louis away without his permission had put a strain on his relationship with his husband. But his relationship with his sons was blossoming more and more. Louis was still very protective of Niall and Harry and Niall was still too nervous to ask for his help – or even accept it. So, Liam spent his afternoons with the kids, helping Harry along and occasionally offering Louis and Niall, no matter how many glares and fearful stares he got. He wasn't going to give up on them – not again.

Liam was so happy with how his life was turning around that he didn't notice the problems under the surface. He was only seeing the good things; the progress.

He missed the way Louis was angry at Harry, not understanding how his brother could go to Liam as though the past few months never happened. He missed the way Harry felt so left out, almost jealous of Louis and Niall's relationship. Most of all, he missed the way Niall was constantly on guard, his mind plagued by his resurfaced nightmares and the ever-growing pile of soiled sheets in his closet.

* * *

Liam's fantasy fell to pieces when he came home to find that all hell had broken loose while he'd been gone. He'd been gone for about an hour. A quick trip to the grocery to get something to cook for dinner. He should have realized that something was wrong, just because of how quiet the house was. With three young kids, silence was never something in their household.

However, it was only when Liam had plopped the grocery bags down, adjusting them to fit on the counter, did he become worried. He didn't hear any of his babies. His first thought was that something horrible had happened.

He frantically called loudly through the house, "Zayn! Louis!"

When he got no response, not even the shuffle of movement, he began to panic. What if Zayn had taken them again?

He was yelling his kid's names, his heart rate having quickened impossibly fast. He stumbled down the hallway, pushing open Louis' door. He knew his kids liked to hide in there and he was praying to any and all the Gods above that he'd find them cuddled up together.

"Daddy?" Harry's voice was quiet and shaky. He was sitting on the edge of Louis' bed, as far away from Louis as possible.

"Where's Niall?" Liam felt like his throat was sticky. Louis was here and safe. Harry was here and safe. Where the hell was Niall?

Louis turned to glare at him, his eyes red and watery. "Why?"

"Where's your Papa and Niall? Did something happen?" Liam asked Harry. He knew he was the better bet if he wanted actual answers.

The eight-year-old looked horribly conflicted before he murmured, "Yes," playing with his fingers on his lap.

Liam pinched at his nose, he really needed to see his entire family, alive and well before the pressure behind his eyes would lessen. "Did Papa take Niall?"

Louis just glared at Liam again. However, Harry took a deep, wavering breath, "Papa put him in time out."

Liam frowned, the knot in his stomach relaxing. Was that all? Niall was in time out so the whole family had taken some vow of silence?

"Um, okay. Well, he'll be out soon. I'll go check on him," Liam said, hating the way his son's faces were screwed up in worry. He added, "Stay here, okay?" as an afterthought before he left them.

He found Niall in the living room, his chest aching to see his tiny, six year old tucked away in the corner, forehead pressed against the wall. When he went closer, though, Liam felt his world stop. It felt as though he'd stopped breathing and that nothing and nobody mattered because Niall was trembling and sobbing, all alone and obviously very frightened.

"Ni? Baby?" Liam cooed, softly.

Niall jumped, flinching violently. His breaths became more rapid and uneven, his arms coming to protect himself. He didn't turn around though and he didn't speak. He knew the rules of timeouts better than anyone.

"Nialler? What happened?" Liam knew that the behaviour he was showing was not of a kid who felt guilty that they were in trouble. No. This was a kid who'd been through too much in his short life and this was the last straw. This was the breaking point. Any shred of trust Niall had had for his parents had been broken by whatever Zayn had done.

Niall ignored Liam, whimpering loudly. He was gnawing on his bottom lip to muffle his crying, but Liam could see the sobs ripping through his body.

"Niall, it's Daddy. You're not in trouble anymore," Liam decided. He didn't touch Niall. He and Zayn had been through enough training to know not to initiate physical contact with Niall when he was this distraught if he couldn't see him. "Can you turn around, baby?"

Niall stilled, wet sniffles filling the room, but he didn't move. Papa had put him here and he wouldn't leave unless Papa said he could.

"Niall. Please come out. You're not being punished anymore," Liam begged.

When Niall didn't respond, Liam just started rattling off reassurances to his son, trying his best to get him into his arms. It was only when he mentioned that he was sure that Papa wouldn't mind did the tension in Niall's shoulders release.

Liam noticed immediately, herding Niall cautiously into his arms. He gasped at the state of his son. He'd obviously been crying for quite some time. There were red rings around his eyes and his eyelashes were heavy with tears. His cheeks were splotchy and his nose was pink and runny.

"Oh, baby. It's okay. Daddy's here. You're not in trouble," Liam comforted, hugging Niall to his chest.

Niall pressed up against his jersey, placing his ear right about his Daddy's heart. He sighed in relief when he heard the soothing, rhythmic, thumping of Liam's heart. It made all his problems disappear, if only for a moment.

"Sorry," Niall whispered into Liam's neck.

"Why'd Papa put you in time out, sweetie?" Liam asked, rubbing soothing circles between Niall's shoulder blades.

As he'd expected, Niall didn't respond. He just whispered out another apology, pressing his face deeper into his shirt.

"Sweetie, I promise I'm not mad. I'm not going to spank you anymore, you don't have to worry. I promise," Liam buried his nose in Niall's soft hair. He really wanted to know what reason Zayn could have for putting their previously abused and recently neglected son in time out. But he knew that Niall needed his reassurances first. Niall didn't trust him, not after how he'd treated him and Liam knew that he had to put in the work to get his relationship with his son back on track.

Niall just continued to cry into his shirt, his erratic sobbing slowing to soft whimpers and hiccups before he finally relaxed, tired and limp in Liam's arms.

"Do you want a bath, honey?" Liam asked, rubbing Niall's back.

"Louis," Niall whimpered, facing his red eyes at Niall, looking almost afraid that his request would be denied.

"You want Louis right now? Well, that okay. We'll go get him. But I still want you to remember that you can talk to me. I want to know what you're feeling. I won't get mad."

Niall's only responded with a sniffle, so Liam got Louis and took the two boys to the bathroom. Louis started fussing over Niall again, pouting and demanding that Liam put him down.

"No, Louis. Niall likes being held." Liam said sternly. And it was true. Niall was clinging onto him, his tiny fists white as they gripped his shirt.

Louis huffed, glaring at Liam. He fell silent, though, seemingly not fond of getting in trouble.

Liam let him hover around as he stripped Niall, his hand flying to his mouth to cover a gasp when he got Niall's pants off. Louis was angry, not moving from where he was but his lips setting in a straight line and a huff leaving his lips. Niall was ashamed, his head hanging and shoulders slumped.

Liam gently hooked two fingers under Niall's chin, guiding him to look at him. He hated to see his son like this – so scared and ashamed. It had taken them a long time to convince the six year old that he hadn't deserved to be treated like he had been by his first parents and Liam knew that the boy had readopted the mindset that he _just wasn't good enough_.

"Ni? Roo, what happened?" Liam asked, his eyes scanning the angry, red rash crawling down Niall's skin. It was worst at his groin, the skin bumpy and irritated and stretched down to his inner thighs. Liam had never seen anything like this before.

Niall stayed silent. He couldn't tell his Daddy. He'd told Papa and had been sent to time out. He met Louis' gaze, peering hopefully at him. Waiting for his older brother to come to his rescue.

Liam noticed their silent interaction, asking Louis what happened instead.

"Lou, can you tell me what happened to Niall? How did this happen?"

"No!" Niall screeched, shutting his mouth and looking extremely guilty after. His voice was much closer to a whisper when he said, "Don't tell him, Lou. He'll be mad."

Liam knew Louis wouldn't be telling him now and he didn't expect him to. Niall and Louis had built their relationship on pure, unwavering trust. There was no way Louis would go against Niall's wishes.

"Alright, that's okay. You don't have to tell me. I wish you would trust me, and you can. I promise that even if it's not something good, I'll still love you. I'm not leaving you again. Any of you," Liam glanced at Louis, "But I'm still going to find out eventually, okay?"

Niall remained silent, looking just a little bit relieved but still torn up over this whole thing. Liam got him into the bath, soaping up a flannel and leaving Louis with strict instructions to call him if anything went wrong. He knew that Niall and Louis were pretty self-sufficient by now, but he needed them to know that they didn't have to be.

He left the door open, able to hear the two whispering as he went off to find Zayn. He hoped he'd have the answers.

Instead, Liam found himself being summoned by Harry. The curly haired little boy poked his head out of his room, motioning for him to come inside. His eyes were comically wide and his face was so, so serious as he closed the door.

"What's wrong, Haz?"

"I know what's wrong with Ni, Daddy. I, um, I think you gotta know. You won't get mad, right?" Harry had obviously been listening in on his conversation with Louis and Niall.

Liam made a mental note to ensure he didn't allow Harry to continue on letting Louis and Niall receive the most care. He didn't want Harry excluding himself just to allow his brothers to get the attention he thought they needed. "I promise, baby. I'm not going to do that anymore. You don't have to be scared." It pained Liam every time he had to assure his kids that he wouldn't get mad and yell at them, but he knew they needed the reassurance.

"Last week, some boy's dad yelled at Ni. Ni was scared. He didn't even tell Lou. Said he thought Louis would be angry. But Niall's night terrors came back," Harry's tone turned scandalous, as if what he was saying was so deviant, "and he wet the bed."

It clicked for Liam, then. The rash. God, Niall must be in so much pain, he thought.

"Is that why Papa put Niall in time out?" Liam asked, confused because that didn't seem like a valid reason. Niall had been through a lot and they couldn't afford to screw up any worse.

Harry shook his head, ringlets of hair swinging around. He climbed into Liam's arms, settling on his lap and craning his neck to look at his Daddy. "No," he whispered, voice somber now, "Niall's been wetting the bed a lot and every time he messes it up, he sticks it in the cupboard."

"Did Papa find the sheets?" Liam asked. He didn't know why but his heart was racing in his chest and he was panicking.

"Yeah. He yelled at Niall a lot. Louis tried to stop him, but he just yelled more and sent Niall to time out and he told me and Louis to go to our rooms. Papa was scary. I didn't like it. And Niall was crying but Papa didn't hug him an' kiss it better."

"What happened next?"

"Papa threw away all the sheets. He said that Niall, um," Harry paused, the next word too dirty for his vocabulary, "Papa said a bad word, the f-word. He said that Niall did that to the sheets and now they were messed up forever."

Swearing was a big no-no in their home. It just brought up bad memories for Niall and Liam didn't want any of them to pick up that kind of language anyway, so to hear that Zayn had said that to them was horrible.

"Niall cried because his socks were in there too, but Papa didn't care. He threw it away and he never came back home," Harry said.

"Papa's not home?" Liam couldn't believe that Zayn had left the kids home alone. They were all so young and if anything had happened – he didn't know what he would have done.

"No. You won't tell Niall that I told you, right?" Harry wasn't hung up on Zayn. He was more worried about his little brother.

"No, baby. I won't. Now, let's get you to bed," Liam mustered up a little smile, tucking Harry under his covers. He dropped a kiss onto his forehead, "Good night, Harry. I love you."

"Please don't leave us again, Daddy," Harry added.

"I won't, baby. I'll never do that."

"Okay, good night. I love you, Daddy."

Liam whispered back his 'I love you' two or three more times until Harry was asleep. Then, he grabbed a pair of gloves. He spent the next ten minutes sifting through the garbage bag Zayn had added to the trash can outside. He rummaged through the soiled clothes that had been hidden away in Niall's room. The deeper he got, the more ashamed he was that he once again managed to let Niall hide from him. He knew that Niall was very good at it. He'd perfected the art and Liam needed to do a better job at being constantly vigilant.

Only when he had conjured up the now familiar pair of dazzling, green socks did Liam go back inside. He threw the socks into the washing machine, running a load while we went to get Niall out of the bath. He couldn't get Zayn to come back home and he couldn't take away the fear his son was feeling, but he could get him his socks back. And he'd be damned if he didn't.


	15. .fourteen.

Liam's day started with the sun beating down on his eyelids and soft touches on his shoulder. He groaned, shifting away from whoever was disturbing him.

"Daddy?" a soft, high pitched voice called, almost desperately.

Liam let his eyes open – just enough that he could see – only to groan softly, squinting out at his son. Louis frowned at him, huffing impatiently.

"Daddy, wake up."

Liam really didn't want to get up. He was just so tired. He rolled over, poised and ready to ask Zayn to handle it, only to be met with an empty bed. All at once, the previous night's activities came rushing back. Zayn had left. Again. And this time, Liam wasn't sure he'd be coming back.

"Daddy?" Louis' voice pulled him from his thoughts before he could sink too deep into them.

"Yes. I'm up. Promise. What's wrong?"

"It's Niall. He wet the bed again," Louis paused, his lips pouting again, clearly unpleased as he added, "He says he wants you."

Even though Niall's demand for him was putting Louis off, it made Liam just that much happier. This was Niall finally letting himself open up. This was Niall making himself vulnerable in hopes that Liam wouldn't let him down again.

It was much easier for Liam to get out of bed now, shadowing Louis into Niall's room. And he really couldn't help but gasp when he saw his baby. His youngest son, all broken down and defeated, tearing himself up over things he couldn't control. There was Niall all hunched in shoulders and tousled hair, pressed to the skin on one side of his face, sticking up in the air on the other side. His face was pink and blotchy, tears running down his shiny cheeks. He sniffled once he caught sight of Liam, "Daddy, I'm sorry."

"No, baby," the words fell from Liam's lips effortlessly. He didn't have to think about it, his movements instinctual as he crouched down before his son, collecting him into his arms. "You don't have to apologize. It was an accident. I know you didn't mean to. You don't have to say sorry if it was only an accident."

Niall nodded softly into his shoulder, his thin body trembling again Liam's. Liam scouted the room, eyes passing over Niall's bed, sheets thrown back to reveal a large, dark patch in the middle of the mattress. Harry decided to make his presence known then, bed hair and sleepy eyes on display as he asked cheekily, "Does this mean we can miss school?"

Liam glanced at the clock on Niall's wall, deciding that he can get the boys to school on time if they hurry. However, there was still something he needed to do.

"No, Harry. Tomorrow's Saturday anyway. You can sleep in tomorrow." With that, Liam got the boys bathed, changed, fed and piled into the backseat of the car.

On the way to school, he briefly shared his plans with the boys, "Louis and Harry, I need to take Niall somewhere. So, I'll drop you two off and bring Niall in later, okay?"

"Why?" Louis didn't miss a beat. He grabbed a hold of Niall's shoulder protectively.

Niall was blinking slowly at Liam, his face contorted in guilt, somehow having convinced himself that he was in trouble.

"It's nothing to worry about. However, since I have to take Niall in late, I won't be able to pick you up after school," Liam spared a glance at the empty passenger seat. Zayn's sunglasses were still in the cup holder and if he were here, Liam's schedule would be much easier to handle. If Zayn were here, he'd be able to run errands without having to take the boys with him.

Louis huffed, grumbled and stomped his little feet but he eventually had to give up. He was angry. So, so angry. "You have to bring him back. You can't let Papa take him."

Liam's heart stuttered in his chest. "God, no. I won't. Niall's staying with us. You don't have to worry about that."

Louis didn't have much more time to argue because Liam pulled up outside the school. "Okay, boys, have fun. Remember to take the bus home, okay?"

Louis just mumbled a soft, "Bye, Daddy. Love you," and stalked off.

Harry grinned at Niall, waving before flashing another toothy smile at Liam. "Okay, Daddy. Bye! I love you!" Then, he was out of the car, leaving Niall and Liam alone.

Niall was understandably quiet. Liam knew he was still upset over having wet the bed and that was why he had to do this. He let Niall be to himself, not wanting to push him. There would be plenty of time for talking soon.

Liam and Niall ended up at the grocery, making their way down an aisle that Liam never thought he'd have to return to. Niall was becoming more and more uneasy as they walked, having figured out the reason his Daddy was leading him down the Baby Supplies section.

Liam stopped in front of the desired items, pleased to see that they had many choices that would suit Niall's needs. The boy was small enough that he could easily fit into the pull-ups designed for much younger kids.

"Alright, Roo. This shelf has the ones that will fit you. Which pattern do you want?" Liam asked, keeping his voice as monotone as possible. Calm and sweet. He didn't want Niall to think he was judging him.

Despite his efforts, Niall's entire face flushed, his cheeks going a blotchy, red colour and his ears turning pink. He refused to look at Liam. Not now. Not here. Not when his Daddy had been forced to bring him to buy nappies.

"Roo. I promise that I still think you're a big boy."

"Nappies are for babies," Niall pouted, his eyes set on the array of nappies laid out in front of him.

"I know. That's why we're buying pull-ups. You'll only wear this to sleep. Just until we fix this," Liam reached out, pulling off a box of pull-ups. They were blue with rocket ships on them. "How about these?"

Niall just turned impossibly pinker. Liam remained patient. He knew how hard this must be for Niall. But he hadn't been able to stop the bedwetting and Liam didn't want his rash to continue getting worse.

"Roo, please. I'm just doing this so you can sleep through the night again," Liam begged.

Niall hesitated, trembling horribly and sending Liam quick glances to check that he wasn't going to lash out at him. Then, he reached out, pulling a box from the shelf. Liam grinned down at him, nodding in approval. Niall reached towards one of the plain ones, just white with a strip of colour at the top. He glanced up at Liam again before pulling it off and showing the box off to Liam, wanting to ensure he's chosen correctly.

"Don't you want one that looks cool? Like this one. It has space stuff on it," Liam knew that Niall was just going with the safest option. Liam wanted Niall to have some fun with this. If he son was going to have to go back into pull-ups, he wanted it to be as painless as possible.

"This is good," Niall insisted.

"Niall, I want you to pick one you like. You can choose anyone you want. I won't mind."

"Anyone?" Niall echoed, trying back to the shelf when Liam nodded. He stared, looking conflicted for a bit until he reached out and pulled another box off. He hugged it to his shelf, cheeks bright red and lips turned up in a bashful smile.

Liam kept his expression neutral, nodding supportively and making positive remarks about his son's choice. The pattern Niall had chosen was a bit on the girly side. It was one of those Barbie patterns with pink and purple undertones, but there were cute elephants scattered on it.

Armed with the pull-ups and a couple of bars of chocolate, Liam dropped Niall back to school, leaving him with, "I love you, Niall. I'll pick you up, okay? I won't be here right after school, but I promise I won't be too long."

Liam hated having to leave him at school, but there was no Zayn to lean on, and he had to make up his hours at work. Niall didn't seem to mind, nodding and smiling. He still looked a bit unsure about how Liam feet about his bedwetting. Liam watched him go off to class, promising that starting that night, he was going to fix all the problems he'd created for his children.

* * *

After school, Niall took up residence on his usual place on the steps in front of the school building. Since 3liam had been picking him up on time, he hadn't had to wait here and to be honest, he wasn't all too pleased to find himself back on the steps. He liked it when his Daddy picked him up. He liked leaving at the same time as everyone else. But, Liam had promised to come for him, so he settled in, peering out at the road, eager for his Daddy's car to pull up.

Niall hadn't been waiting long when he heard a familiar voice call out to him. "Niall? Hey, bud."

It was Uncle Ed. Niall didn't really like Uncle Ed. Sure he was nice and he gave him nice food, but he easy much more fond of Ashton. Still, he smiled. "Hello."

"What are you still doing here? Is Papa coming for you?" Ed had just stopped in to collect some papers from the school.

"No. He left," Niall said. He really didn't want to talk to his uncle without his Daddy or Louis being there. He never knew if he was saying the right thing or not he didn't want to get in trouble.

Ed pressed his eyebrows together. "He what?"

"I did something bad. So he left," Niall didn't understand why Ed was looking so very concerned now. To him, Zayn leaving wasn't that big of a deal. He'd done it before, but he'd come back, so there wasn't anything to worry about.

"When is Daddy coming for you, then?" Ed asked, hoping that Niall was just confused.

"I dunno," Niall refused to look at Ed anymore. He was obviously very uncomfortable, but Ed kept on asking questions. "But it's not dark yet so he's not late yet."

Ed choked. What? "Niall? Does he always come to get you when it's dark?"

Niall shook his head. "No, only Papa. But Daddy says he'll be late today."

"Alright, come with me," Ed declared, deciding that the papers could wait. He needed to get Niall home. "Where's Louis and Harry? Are they home?"

"Yes," Niall whispered, curling up as far away from Ed as he could get. Ed looked him over, seeing how scared he was.

"No, Ni," he cooed, "It's okay. I'll call your Daddy and tell him I've got you. In the meantime, you can come home with me." When Niall looked hesitant he added, "Ashton will be there."

And Niall couldn't pass up the opportunity. He'd thought that he'd never get to see Ashton again and here was his Uncle Ed offering him just that. So, he grabbed his book bag and followed behind his uncle.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: i do not consent to my work being hosted on any unofficial apps, particularly ones with ad revenue and subscription services


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